vantasticmess:

THE BIG CONTACT LENSES POST
because jegus fuck you only get two eyes

I’M DOING THIS POST IN ALL CAPS LOCK BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT. LOOK AT THAT MOTHERFUCKER UP THERE.  IF YOU FUCK UP YOUR EYES JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO BE THE RIGHT COLOR HE WILL SCREAM AT YOU UNTIL YOU WANT TO CRY, BUT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU FUCKED UP YOUR EYES.  YOU ONLY GET TWO OF THEM.  DON’T SCREW THEM UP.

SIGNS YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR EYES:

• YOUR EYES BURN OR ITCH WHEN YOU PUT YOUR LENSES IN
• YOUR EYES HURT WHEN YOU PUT YOUR LENSES IN
• YOUR EYES BOIL IN THEIR SOCKETS WHEN YOU PUT THEM IN

THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG THAT WILL FUCK UP YOUR EYES:

• THE WRONG CONTACT SOLUTION
• YOUR CONTACT LENSES HAVE A SLICE OFF THE EDGE OR A TEAR IN THEM
• YOUR CONTACTS ARE ON INSIDE-OUT
• YOUR CONTACTS ARE TOO SMALL OR TOO BIG

WAYS YOU CAN FUCK UP YOUR EYES:

• SCRATCHING YOUR EYES
• GROWING BLOOD VESSELS INTO YOUR CORNEA
• PERMANENT FUCKING BLINDNESS

IF THIS POST IS SCARING YOU, GOOD.  A COSTUME IS NOT WORTH BLINDNESS FOR-FUCKING-EVER.

IF YOU ARE WEARING YOUR FIRST PAIR OF CONTACT LENSES EVER FOR A CONVENTION, DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH FIRST.

• GET AN EYE EXAM DAMMIT.  CHECK TO MAKE SURE YOUR EYES ARE HEALTHY ENOUGH FOR CONTACTS.  YOUR EYES BREATHE JUST LIKE YOUR FACE GASH AND CONTACTS PREVENT YOUR EYES FROM GETTING ENOUGH OXYGEN.  THAT’S WHY IT’S DANGEROUS TO WEAR CONTACTS 24-7.  SOME PEOPLE CAN’T WEAR CONTACTS AT ALL.  MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT ONE OF THEM.
• GET AN EYE DOCTOR TO TEACH YOU HOW TO PUT YOUR CONTACTS IN.  IF YOU ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO STICK A FINGER IN YOUR EYE TO PUT A PIECE OF SILICONE OVER THEM YOU’D BETTER KNOW HOW TO DO IT.  GET THEM TO TEACH YOU HOW TO TAKE THEM OUT TOO BECAUSE YOU GOTTA PINCH THEM OFF AND THAT’S ALSO SCARY AS FUCK.
• LEARN HOW TO WASH YOUR LENSES BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN YOUR EYES, THERE’S A WAY TO DO IT THAT’S RIGHT AND WON’T BREAK THEM OR HURT YOU
• MAKE SURE THE PLACE YOU’RE BUYING YOUR LENSES FROM HAS A GOOD RATING OR GOOD RECOMMENDATIONS.  CONTACTS ARE EASY TO GET BUT IF YOU GET A PAIR FROM A PLACE THAT’S NOT SAFE YOU CAN HURT YOURSELF.

WHEN YOU GET YOUR CONTACTS, TREAT THEM RIGHT.

• BUY YOURSELF SOME CONTACT SOLUTION AND A CONTACT CASE.  DIFFERENT BRANDS OF SOLUTION HAVE A DIFFERENT SALINE CONTENT AND SOME WILL BE COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR EYES AND SOME WON’T.  IF YOUR EYES BURN WHEN YOU PUT YOUR CONTACTS IN YOU’VE GOT A SOLUTION THAT ISN’T GOOD FOR YOUR EYES.
• BUY SOME PROTEIN REMOVER.  YOUR CONTACTS ARE GONNA SIT IN CONTACT SALINE SOLUTION AND A DROP OF THIS SHIT WHEN YOU’RE NOT WEARING THEM.  CONTACTS SUCK UP THE PROTEINS IN YOUR EYES AND IF YOU DON’T RINSE THEM OUT YOU’RE PUTTING OLD PROTEINS IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING EYES.  THAT IS GROSS.
• REPLACE THE SOLUTION ONCE IN A WHILE.  IF YOU ONLY WEAR A COSTUME ONCE EVERY COUPLE MONTHS, CHANGE THAT SHIT.  DO YOU WANT TO PUT STUFF IN YOUR EYES THAT’S 2 MONTHS OLD!? NO YOU DON’T!
• KEEP EACH PAIR OF CONTACTS IN A SEPARATE CASE.  THEY CAN STICK TOGETHER IF YOU DON’T AND THEN THEY TEAR WHEN YOU PULL THEM APART.

WHEN YOU PUT IN YOUR CONTACTS AND WEAR THEM BE CAREFUL FOR GOD’S SAKE, YOU’RE STICKING YOUR FINGER IN YOUR EYE OH MY GOD.

• PRACTICE BEFORE YOU GO TO THE CON WHERE YOU’RE WEARING THEM.  IT’S GOING TO TAKE FOR-FUCKING-EVER THE FIRST TIME YOU PUT THEM IN BECAUSE YOUR EYE IS LIKE OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO STICK SOMETHING IN ME!?!?!? AND YOU WILL BLINK A LOT AND CRY A LOT AND YOU DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT SHIT WHEN YOU’RE RUSHING TO GET INTO A COSTUME
• WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU TOUCH YOUR LENSES! YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE THEY’VE BEEN.  WELL MAYBE YOU DO BUT STILL.
• WASH YOUR CONTACT LENSES IN FRESH CONTACT SOLUTION BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN, DUH
• DON’T WEAR YOUR CONTACTS ALL DAY LONG, TAKE THOSE THINGS OUT AFTER 8 HOURS AND LET YOUR EYES BREATHE.  DON’T WEAR THEM TO BED BECAUSE YOU’LL WAKE UP AND THEY’LL BE ALL STUCK TO YOUR EYE BECAUSE THEY FUCKING DRIED OUT, AND IT WILL SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND HURT A LOT
• WASH YOUR HANDS AGAIN BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM OUT! JEGUS FUCK

IF YOUR CONTACT LENSES ARE:

• DRIED OUT BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO CHANGE THE SOLUTION IDIOT
• TORN
• HAVE A SLICE OFF THE EDGE
• LOOK WRINKLED

THEY ARE DESTROYED FOREVER.  THROW THEM OUT.  PUTTING THEM BACK IN YOUR EYES CAN FUCK THEM UP

IF YOUR EYES BURN OR HURT OR EVEN FEEL DRIED OUT, TAKE YOUR CONTACT LENSES OUT, YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF FUCKING UP YOUR EYES IN THAT VERY MOMENT

DON’T DESTROY YOUR EYES OVER A FUCKING COSTUME

FOLLOW SOME BASIC SAFETY RULES

UGH