Cis women friends, we need to talk.

kiriamaya:

Look, you know I love you. You know this isn’t me trying to tell you that you’re terrible forever. You know I don’t hate you for what I’m about to say.

But, well, y’all keep fucking up. And you keep fucking up in the same exact ways, even after hearing me and other trans women tell you ad nauseam exactly how you’re fucking up. And hell, you probably literally are sick of hearing it. But if you’re serious about doing right by trans women — and, if I call you friend, you are — then please listen.

(And please, don’t try to claim that it’s misogynist to specifically address cis women instead of just “cis people”. That’s BS and you know it. Cis women oppress us in certain ways that cis men do not.)

Okay, so:

I get how important it is to love your bodies, and I totally support that. I also get that it can be cathartic to attack your oppressors’ bodies. I understand where that’s coming from, totally.

But:

• As a woman with a penis, I can tell you with certainty that you would not be afforded more respect if you had a penis. In fact, you’d face even more of an uphill battle getting the jobs, recognition, etc. that you want, because every single time you did anything at all, people would just dismiss you for being a trans woman. You could fucking cure cancer, and all anyone would say in response is, “that’s a duuuuuuuuuude lol that’s disgusting”. You’d face even more misogyny, even more abuse, and even more dehumanization in general.
• The uterus and/or vagina is not the fount of all womanhood. In saying or implying that it is, you are saying that trans women are not women. And you know that’s not true.
• Trans women are women. Some trans women have penises. Ergo, some women have penises. So when you insult penises/testicles/etc. in general, you are attacking other women’s bodies. How is this pro-woman? How is it feminist? (Radscum needn’t bother replying to this, obvs.)
• Trans women’s health issues are women’s health issues. When you say you don’t care about the health of people with penises, you are necessarily saying that you don’t care about trans women’s health.

I know you know this already; it’s all pretty obvious remedial Trans 023 stuff. And yet, when I bring it up in reference to something you posted, y’all resist it in various ways, usually tearing pages from the Derailing for Dummies* playbook. Which frustrates me so much, because you know better, and I know you know better.

Yes, by all means, be proud of your vagina! And support/boost/offer education about how DFAB reproductive systems work, since society actively tries to suppress that information! And defend everyone’s right to choose tooth-and-nail! And raise holy hell about the fact that it’s easier to get Viagra than it is to get birth control! But here’s a thought: you can do all of that without degendering trans women, without shitting on our needs and our bodies, without situationally revoking our personhood when it’s convenient for your arguments.

You can. You really can. If I thought otherwise, we wouldn’t be friends.

So please, please pay more attention to what you say and what it means. This shit needs to change. So please, help change it.

—

* No, I don’t care for the title. It’s still a good (and wonderfully sarcastic) reference to the derailing tactics folks use.