aspookyjacuzzi:

Headcanon that Grif is the laziest soldier in Blood Gulch, but it takes a surprising amount of hard work to be as lazy as he is. He keeps track of all the red base schedules so that he can put in the least amount of hours for guard duty, and makes sure that he’s never on duty at the same time as Sarge (and always at the same time as Simmons). In the middle of the night, he moves everyone’s stuff around base so he can go “fetch” something they’re missing whenever he wants a break. He practices stealth techniques by walking off while on duty, without telling anyone, and hides when he hears Sarge yell at Simmons or Donut to find him. Why? So he can get better at infiltrating the food supply and avoid Sarge more easily.

All of this to make sure that he can put the least amount of effort when he’s on duty. Let’s face it: being on a random planet in the middle of nowhere, full of assholes you need to see every day really, really sucks.