Campbell Newman, Liberal politician and known turtle-person, has lost his seat of Ashgrove in the recent Queensland state election.
“Well, that sucks.” He said as he chewed on some tadpoles he had just caught from wetlands he had recently poisoned in anticipation to the widespread destruction to the Great Barrier Reef he had wanted to inflict on the state.
“I guess I didn’t say "stronger Queensland” enough times? Isn’t that how you win elections? You repeat the same lie over and over despite all the facts going against you and hope people have short term memory loss.“
"Maybe it was the inflection…” he pondered to himself as he shoved more live tadpoles into his mouth. “Stronger Queensland. Stronger Queensland? STRONGER! queeeeeeeeenslind. Strongah Quinslond. Stronedict Cumbersland. Stronger Queensland!”
"Just go home already!” yelled a frustrated ABC journalist who had been covering Newman live for the past hour as he had reached into his seemingly unending bucket of tadpoles. “It’s over! IT’S OVER!”