carmarthenfan:

an-amateur-roman:

AU where the odyssey takes place entirely in ikea

Tell me, O Muse, of that many-sided hero who traveled far and wide through the land of I-kea after he had sacked the famous town of Stockholm. Many departments did he visit, Kitchen and Bedroom and Textiles and Rugs, and many were the employees with whose customer service he was acquainted whilst he wandered lost in the lighting department; many things he suffered in the buffet while seeking to gain the last serving of gravlax and to achieve the safe checkout of his companions; but do what he might he could not save his men, for they perished through their own sheer recklessness in eating the highly preserved desserts which always look better than they taste; so the god prevented them from ever reaching the fabled As-Is section. Tell me, as you have told those who came before me, about all these things, O daughter of Óðinn, starting from the entrance into Småland…