quick tip
if you have cut up hot peppers with your bare hands in the last 24 hours, do not, i repeat DO NOT masturbate.
your hands may have stopped stinging. it’s not time yet. don’t do it.
you may have washed your hands 5 times. it’s not enough. don’t do it.
you may be really turned on and think it’s work the risk. it’s not. don’t do it.
seriously don’t do it. just don’t fucking do it.
someone sacrificed their genitals for this post. someone took one for the team. lets appreciate that please.
do you think sneaking out is ever a problem at hogwarts? like beyond secret passages to hogsmeade for late-night hogsmeade.
imagine there’s this small muggle scottish town not far from hogwarts. just a quick broom hop.
and some especially rambunctious muggleborns start hanging out around there. they sneak out on days no one’s looking for students, quidditch matches and hogsmeade weekends.
sometimes they go to the little movie theater and the workers are always baffled. this town isn’t exactly a tourist spot, but every so often, a group of kids just show up out of nowhere. there’s a core few, but there’s always at least a couple who watch these movies like they’ve never even heard of the concept of the moving picture before. and they just sit there with their eyes wide and these big smiles.
and they always go out to eat after, but never to a restaurant, no. they go to the convenience store and wipe out the junk food and candy aisle. and they carry the leftovers like they’re going into hibernation.
sometimes it’s just a couple of them. they sit at the cafe and the waitresses all eavesdrop on them because they say the weirdest things like “it’s so nice to eat without wax dripping on our heads, eh?” or “you look kind of different under electric lighting. i’m not used to it.”
their only friend in town is the guy who works in the music shop. they hardly ever buy anything, but the guy plays the newest music for them whenever they stop in. he fills them in on new albums and singles that just came out. a few girls ask about one tv show. he doesn’t pry, but once one of the teens told him they just “don’t have access to this stuff”
sometimes they just sit in the park all day, drinking soda and eating candy bars, and just read magazines, with more piled around them.
it’s not that they wish they weren’t at hogwarts or that it’s a prison to break out of. sometimes being surrounded by magic can just be too much. they get homesick for a whole other way of life.
PSA: Parents. Please do not emotionally manipulate your children.
They will grow up completely untrusting with a general sense of sadness and guilt.
Manipulation includes:
– “I just wish [something passive aggressive involving your child]”
– “You do whatever you want to do.” and then getting mad when they make the “wrong” choice
– Not believing them when they tell you something someone did or said to them, including their friends, your friends, family members, or even you
– Doing something shitty and then pretending you didn’t in hopes they’ll forget?
– Getting upset when they open up to you. About anything. Even if it’s something angering or disappointing. Don’t show them it’s dangerous or counterproductive to talk to you.
– Making them feel bad for the friends/significant others they choose, career path (or lack thereof), school choice (or lack thereof), gender/sexuality (or lack thereof) literally anything that either they didn’t choose or that they would be miserable without
– Do NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES pressure them to talk to you about personal things.
– Kids do not owe their parents anything. They did not choose to be born. You chose to get pregnant/chose to carry to term/chose to raise a baby (even if you didn’t choose all of these things, you at least chose one) under the assumption that you would love this child no matter what.
Yeah I just found out that this has been happening to me for about six years without realizing it. It fucks you up.
i have finally compiled my top 5 shakespearean stage directions
- leaps into the grave (hamlet)
- enter titus as a chef (titus andronicus)
- storm still (king lear)
- falstaff riseth up (henry iv part 1)
- exit pursued by a bear (the winter’s tale)