Month: June 2015

getintherobot:

things i think about when i think about tucker junior

• THAT KID HAS FOUR MANDIBLES AND LIKE 50 TEETH IMAGINE TUCKER TAKING HIM TO THE DENTIST
• ALSO IMAGINE TUCKER TAKING HIM TO THE PEDIATRICIAN FOR HIS SHOTS “sir polio is extinct and i dont think your … uh, son … will need a mmr vaccine or a tetanus booster … he also doesnt need the hpv vaccine, i mean, it has the word ‘human’ in the name” and tuckers like “fuck that!! load him up” and grabs like eight lollipops and three stickers from the receptionists desk for junior, oh my god, WHAT IF TUCKER TAKES JUNIOR TO THE VET like just walks in there with his 8ft tall alien son like “just give him whatever you give lizards or crocodiles or something” “uh, sir, i” “JUST LOAD HIM UP”
• names and family lineage are super important in sangheili culture and each family has their own epic poem about their feats in battle and this lil kid is named lavernius tucker jr. and his family lineage is lavernius tucker sr. godddd do you think tucker sat around trying to write a poem about how he took down an army of freelancer clones and after chorus he emails junior a new set of stanzas about how he outsmarted space mercs with no sense of honor or duty, and how many times does it contain the word “fuck”
• also the sangheili are a militaristic society and kids are raised to become warriors and strategists instead of having non-combat hobbies or taking non-warrior career paths, and then JUNIOR IS ENROLLED IN A HUMAN PUBLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL and JOINS THE BASKETBALL TEAM, like do you think when tucker was going around with the aliens during s6 he saw this shit and hes like “fuuuuck that, im going to let my kid do whatever he wants” and lets junior try out every sport/activity until he settles on one hes really good at, basically what im saying is do you think junior was ever enrolled in tap-dancing class, OR: DO YOU THINK BASKETBALL IS THE EQUIVALENT OF BEING A WARRIOR, is juniors goal in life to be the Basketball Zealot, are the points he scores in games equivalent to kills on the battlefield, oh my god
• TUCKER KEEPS BUYING THOSE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PORTRAITS WITH THE SOLID-COLORED BACKGROUNDS THAT COME IN DIFFERENT SIZES AND GIVING THE WALLET-SIZED ONES TO CABOOSE AND SIMMONS AND TEX AND SARGE AND WASH AND CAROLINA AND JENSEN AND HE GETS TWO 8x10s AND FRAMES THEM AND PUTS ONE ON THE MANTEL AT BLUE BASE AND GIVES THE OTHER ONE TO RED BASE. simmons actually does put the picture in the back of his wallet. grif loses his almost immediately. sarge uses the 8×10 for target practice but feels kinda bad about it later and asks for a replacement. tex takes the photo but she makes tucker pay her first. carolina is just like “haha … um, why dont you keep it” but later steals washs copy because she feels like it. jensen thinks junior is rad and gets his email address from tucker and they become pen-pals!! dont talk 2 me
• PARENT/TEACHER CONFERENCES
• i feel like tucker is probably agnostic/not really religious but even a lot of non-practicing ppl do the standard new-baby stuff anyway so like imagine junior being baptized in a kiddie pool because hes three feet tall by that time, OR: simmons is catholic and tuckers like “close enough” and both teams call a truce for the baptism ceremony and at the end of it simmons just kind of like, gingerly daubs some mayonnaise on juniors head-spikes, ALTERNATIVELY: donut gets ordained over the internet (the investment continues to pay off, years later he officiates simmons and grifs wedding with it)
• doc is super proud of being juniors godparent, caboose asks if he can also be juniors godparent and tuckers like “uh you can be one too i guess????” and kai doesnt want to be juniors godparent because “thats so much responsibility, like, what if i have to dog-sit him, i dont know what he eats” and tex and church never get asked, tex doesnt care and church is all like “oh thank god im not indirectly related to that chestburster grub” but inside hes super hurt and sulks about it for like a week, YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE CHURCH, eventually tucker asks him if he wants to be one of juniors godparents “but not like, in a gay way” and church is like “fine, i guess, ugh” but then he goes and brags about it to tex (who still doesnt care)