one thing I never see anyone take into account is the fact that Hogwarts must be crawling with cats. you’re allowed to bring either a cat, an owl, or a toad. if we assume only 1/3 of the students bring cats with them, that’s still, like, HUNDREDS OF CATS.
#and how many of those cats were spayed or neutered??#are there rules about spaying/neutering your cat and when were those rules made if so?#do the teachers remember the ‘great kitten infestation of 65?#where they had not just hundreds of cats at hogwarts but HUNDREDS OF KITTENS#so many kittens the students come to hogwarts with a cat and come home with an armful of them#teachers are given kittens#mcgonagall walking into class carrying a kitten#kittens chasing after dumbledore’s robes in the great hall#playpens in the common rooms for kittens#kittens everywhere
WHAT IF MCGONAGALL TAUGHT MANNERS AND STUFF TO THE KITTENS AND THEY EVEN TRAINED THEM TO BE LIKE HELPERS. LIKE THEY COULD LEAD 1ST YEARS TO CLASS AND ALERT TEACHERS TO MISCHIEF OR RETRIEVE MADAME POMPFREY IN AN EMERGENCY
I am all for Professor McGonagal raising and training an army of cat TAs.
If you’ve never read the book Good Omens, let me tell you what you’re missing
-An angel who is so goddamn lazy that he makes a deal with the demon he’s supposed to be thwarting so that neither of them have to do any work and he has more time to spend running his bookshop, and who wants to stop the Apocalypse because he loves sushi
-A demon who pretends to be suave and cool but who really just geeks out over his car and loves James Bond and listens to nothing but Queen and thinks gluing coins to the sidewalk is proper demonic activity
-This angel and demon are probably not gay for each other but I mean they’re holding hands on the cover art.
-This angel and demon try to stop the apocalypse but they fuck up so badly that they do literally nothing useful the whole book and somehow it’s still all about them.
-Technically it was the Satanic Nuns who fucked up, but we don’t really talk about that.
-Death (the horseperson) playing a trivia videogame in a diner.
-The four extra horsepersons that were never mentioned in Revelation.
-The antichrist who almost destroys the world because he wants to save the whales
-The only piece of fiction I have ever seen besides Supernatural that somehow manages to include both the Judeo-Christian apocalypse and space aliens.
-The context of the phrase “gayer than a tree full of monkeys high on nitrous oxide.”
okay i’ve just had such a perfect idea for the layout of a wedding ceremony that i drew a diagram and will now describe it
so a traditional set up for a ceremony would look like this, with the audience lined up in front of the couple, and divided in the middle to make a path for the bride to come down and be given away by her father to the groom
instead, i propose (ohhh puns) a set up more like this:
where the audience is on either side (which halves the distance that the farthest person is from the action) and at the same time you can have each half of the couple come down aisles on opposite sides and both be given away by their parents to each other (which takes away all the gross sexist and hetero-normative crap)
just… isn’t that way better???
That and it looks like the way an audience sits for a concert or a game
“YEAH GO TEAM KISS THAT BRIDE WOOO”
Or it looks like they’re meeting in the middle for a throwdown
Both are goodTWO PEOPLE ENTER.
ONE COUPLE LEAVES.
WELCOME TO MATRIMONY.
Reminder for those who don’t know, if you have a vagina, make sure to urinate immediately after you have P-in-V sex. Bacteria can get in your urethra during P-in-V intercourse so as soon as you are done having sex, go to the bathroom to pee, even if it doesn’t feel like you need to, because even a little pee can flush out the bacteria and prevent a UTI. I didn’t know about this and I got a UTI from my first time, and it was super awful and uncomfortable and unfortunately even those with good sex education rarely learn info like this. I want everyone with a vagina to know how to prevent it because UTIs suck hard. That is all.
what about like. a vampire who is just this weird immortal relative. like maybe at one point they were a parent, and were turned into a vampire, and in stead of like abandoning their family out of guilt or fear, they stuck around through generations and generations in their family and its been hundreds of years and they still stick around and have this huge extended family of people who love them, that weird distant relative who like nobody is sure how they’re related but they are
like a child in their family is born and the mom is like, this is your weird relative who is nocturnal, and the vampire gets to hold the baby and is in all the family photos and everyone is like ‘yeah this is fine, my grandpa knew them so’
This just makes me think of the sims.
but like
vampires don’t appear in photos
these people would have photographs of their child supposedly suspended in midair and just keep them around like
‘oh yeah that’s your aunt when she was little’ ‘why is she floating’ ‘oh yeah thats just steve’