terezi-discourse:

terezi-discourse:

Thinking about Homestuck hairstyle headcanons like

who gives the troll kids haircuts??
Obviously most of them aren’t skilled going to salons on a regular
basis or being raised by parents with oposable thumbs, so how do they
all have their distinct hairstyles instead of a bunch of tangled
masses sticking out of the backs of their heads?

Obviously Karkat’s lusus gives him
haircuts with his claws. This is a non-negotiable fact. As he gets
older Karkat’s sense that this is a really fucking stupid ritual just
keeps increasing, but every month or so his lusus will get it into
his head that it’s time to give his charge a hair trimming and chase
him around the hive until Karkat lets him nip at his hair with his
giant crab claws. Have you ever wondered why Karkat’s hair is a just
a weird spikey-angled mess? The answer is that his hairdresser is a
giant crab.

Terezi cuts her own hair, naturally, because
who else is going to cut it for her? She lives in the middle of nowhere and her mom is an egg. Whenever it gets long enough to
pull back into a ponytail, she gathers it up and the back of her head
and chops it off with a sword. That’s why it sticks up in the back
and sides, because she has never heard of layers and just literally
saws at it with a giant knife. She keeps all the ponytails in a
drawer in her hive just for the sake of freaking ppl out.

Equius has long hair because he is
terrified of trying to cut it and breaking something. His lusus used to cut it for him, but he decided at age 3 that this was something he needed to do himself and, well.He immediately snapped the
scissors and pulled out a lock and got blood everywhere and decided
decided to never try that again, so by the time the story starts he’s
pretty much used to having long-ass hair. He’s even gotten into the
habit of conditioning it regularly and has confined himself it’s a
mark of how refined he is, and not a sign that he can’t cut his own
hair without nearly pulling his scalp off.

Nepeta has a messy hairdo because she
cuts it herself, with her claws.That’s just the method that makes sense to her, because it’s how her lusus used to cut her hair when she was little. She likes how long hair looks, with
all the shiny dark locks framing people’s faces, but she can’t keep
hers clean with her lifestyle and, she absolutely can’t stand the
raspy, scratchy feeling of hair brushing her neck and tickling her
shoulders. It makes her feel like there’s spiders crawling on her. So
she leaves a few pieces in the front to play with, but she just hacks
at the rest until nothing sticks out, and then covers the resulting
mess with her hat.

Sollux gets his hair cut by an actual
barber. What, you thought he cut it himself? Yeah, he could try and
do it with a throwing star, and his his psionics to get the hard-to
reach places in the back, but it’s a huge pain in the ass, and he has better things to do with his time than
fuss over his hair when there are people who can do it quickly living
right around the corner. Whenever his hair is getting in his eyes,
he goes out and slams some money down on the counter at the nearest
barbershop and demands the cheapest possible haircut that will keep
his hair short for as long as possible. The resulting haircuts are
atrocious and completely different every time, and Kanaya, Eridan,
and Equius all refuse to even look at him until it’s grown out for at
least two weeks, but Terezi thinks it’s hilarious and they have a
good laugh over it every time.

bringing this back to add a few more (click here for Tavros, Aradia, Feferi, and Eridan haircut headcanons)

:

Vriska has literally never had a haircut and she’s never heard of conditioner. After she met Kanaya at age 4 or 5 or something, she got motivated to try taking care of her hair, so now she brushes it enthusiastically every morning and evening (88 strokes, and who cares if it makes her eyes water?). But the problem isn’t a lack of brushing, it’s just that she has massive split ends and it’s all dry and damaged from lack of care when she was younger and she refuses to even let Kanaya trim it because she’s so hell-bent on growing it out.

Jade cuts her own hair with kitchen scissors because if she doesn’t the split ends get really scraggly and it’s terribly uncomfortable. she once chopped it all off when she was 9 or so, and she liked how light her head felt, but long hair is also just very satisfying! She can braid it when she’s bored! It protects her neck from some sunburns! Jade likes having long hair.

Every 4 months throughout his entire childhood, Bro would sit Dave down and do a faster-than light haircut on him with a fucking sword. It was supposed to be ironic or something, the fanciness of a salon-quality haircut performed in a grungy apartment with a ninja sword and a horseleather bib. It was supposed to, like, juxtapose pretention and simplicity or femininity and masculinity, or some bullshit like that. All Dave knew was that it was fucking terrifying.

John gets his hair done at a barbershop, like a real old-fashioned barbershop. It’s fucking surreal, and he’s blanked out the whole experience apart from the swirly column out front, and that’s exactly the way he likes it.

Rose always got her hair done at a salon. As a pre-teen, her mother’s hairdresser would perfume and moisterize and straighten and coif her long hair for hours while chatting with her mother about how poised her daughter is. When she was 12, she got so sick of it that she wanted to cut all her hair off, but she knew how childish that would look. So instead, she made an appointment with the hairdresser herself and took the bus there after school and came home with the shortest bob the hairdresser had been willing to perform. Mom cooed over it and lamented the loss of her old hair in equal measure, and Rose responded straight-faced that she’d donated it to charity, and Mom should be proud that her daughter is so generous. She hasn’t let it grow out since.