did i ever tell you guys the story of how my best friend accidentally ruined an entire pathfinder campaign
BUCKLE UP FRIENDS, THIS IS GONNA BA LONG AND WILD RIDE
okay so, for background, this was a heavily homebrewed campaign in an original setting. it was hugely epic, and our dm considered it a crowning achievement of his. it was planned to go on for 40 total levels. it had four acts. the gods themselves were involved. we were reincarnations of the greatest heros of time. that kinda epic.
THE PLOT: we, a group of adventurers, met as children in an abandoned village. we figured out why, survived a horror movie basically, and then a mysterious figure (later revealed to be a god) aged up to maturity and threw us into the future. we became involved with Prince Eric of our home kingdom (the name of which I think was WhiteSomething) after we saved his fiance, Prince Adam of SomethingRose. they were to be married and join their kingdoms to become the new nation of WhiteRose! But everything changed when the Northern Empire Attacked. (actual quote.) Damion, High Douchelord, was trying to take over everything, and actually had taken over WhiteRose. our party was leading the rebellion’s army, and trying to put our friends, the Disney Princes, back on the throne.
so, on this particular night, our level 12 party was far away from our usual base of operations in the capitol, and was trying to get some more troops for our army. the elven king, Bubba (campaign canon, he also had a southern accent) had agreed to send us some troops, but we needed the support of the dwarves as well. our palladin was pretty well hinted to be the reincarnation of not-Durin so we confidant we could do it, but first we had to get to the mountain across some desert. we ran into a squad of the empire’s army, going to do the same thing, so we took them out and started questioning our prisoners, who said that Damian was going to install a fake Prince Eric on the throne.
we liked Eric, he was our fave NPC along with Adam, and so letting Damian steal Eric’s birthright was just Not On. the capitol was a two-week march away, but because of some actual bullshit from our four mages, we made it in just under 24 hours. exactly on the day the pretender was gonna take the throne. there was like a festival going on, and my best friend (who, for the sake of this story will be their character Asra) decided it would be funny to literally rain on Damain’s parade. As a summoner, she had a spell that let her do that, so she did the thing. and promptly got targeted by the magic-sensing guards, who started chasing us. we did the worst thing, and split the party. Asra, because she was specifically targeted, had to roll to see if she would be found and who would find her if she did, and then a luck roll to see what situation she would be in (according to our house rules).
nat 1, nat 1. she literally bumped into the level 43 boss of bosses, High Douchelord Damian. at level 12. she’s like “OKAY FUCK. IMMA TELEPORT TO ANOTHER PLANE.” she picks a peaceful one where there is no violence. the dm rolls reflex. “damain grabbed you. still wanna go there?” “FUCK NO. will you let me roll to change it?” dm says she can roll randomly on a table to see what plane she ends up in. rolls- the plane of Cthulhu. it should be kept in mind we placed by sanity rules, and that plane did d100′s worth of damage to your sanity. she took too much damage, went insane, and died.
“okay,” says the dm. “now i’m gonna roll for damian. he has a perfect 100 sanity so it probably won’t do anything, though.” he rolls.
it’s a perfect 100.
the entire room was silent. “i guess i should roll… for damage?”
another. perfect. 100.
nobody even breathed for a minute. “that was the boss. without him, his army falls apart- you guys win. i can’t even. i cannot even think of a better ending than that. you win.”
and that was how Asha accidentally beat a campaign by herself.the best part?
this was the SECOND campaign she’d ended that way.
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