i would cut off my left hand and give it to you for more of this wormhole verse. what happens when he meets kylo ren for the first time? what does his lightsaber look like? what happens when he’s finally alone with leia and sees she’s grieving for actions ben never committed? what does he think about himself now that he’s seen the Darkest Timeline? i have so many questions.
Technically, the first time Ben Organa meets Kylo Ren is in the midst of a firefight that appeared from absolutely nowhere in a random quadrant of space, and so he’s not really paying attention much more than to sense a powerful Darksider tearing through the Force, and note (with some adrenaline-fueled glee) that the Darksider is not as good a pilot as he is.
This is all his first impression of Kylo Ren.
(In between that and their actual first meeting, Ben Organa meets Kylo Ren in a dozen ways—Leia Organa is older here, wiser but graver, with an absence she keeps beside her like a shadow; Poe Dameron is alone, scar tissue knitted over his Force-signature like a shield; Rey burns too hot and bright, without the Academy, her family, to soften and temper her. Ben barely recognizes Luke, weighted down beneath his loss, the failure and anger and grief.
This is how Kylo Ren comes to Ben, like a holo-negative, in the shape of the wounds he left behind. And Snoke—
Ben Organa can’t remember a time when Snoke wasn’t scratching at the door to his mind like a starving wolf, but here Snoke is the whole pack, howling into the Dark side of the Force at a frequency Ben could not shut out if he tried. No wonder Kylo Ren went nerve-burner; Ben would too, if Snoke had ever escalated to drowning out the world like this.)
But really, the first time Ben Organa meets Kylo Ren, he’s marched to the command deck of the Finalizer and forced to his knees. When he looks up, there’s Kylo Ren.
There had been an exhibit in Coruscant’s Museum of Natural History, a kibnon trapped in amber from a thousand years before the city swallowed the planet—Kylo Ren makes Ben think of it, the same black insectoid sheen to his helmet, the same sense of something having been stalled, choked off, in the middle of living. Ben feels a terrible and unexpected (maybe he should have expected it) wave of sympathy. He was this, almost; Kylo Ren is what he wanted at fifteen, terrible and untouchable and great, great in the only way not eaten up by his mother or father or uncle, great in a way he feared, deep down, he would never be. Ben certainly still isn’t—in his world, Rey is a stronger Jedi and Poe is a better pilot; Yani Calrissian is a more capable smuggler and con-man than both their fathers combined, and Ben had ceded any political dreams to Korr Sella long ago. But he’d mostly come to terms with that, and most nights, he didn’t wake in a cold sweat thinking about how he was just….Ben.
Maybe if Snoke had been louder, though, or if Ben hadn’t confided in Luke when he did, or if Mama hadn’t consulted with Luke so early—maybe he would have said the wish out loud. Maybe it would have been granted.
Force, what a curse to become the man you wanted to be at fifteen.
Ben feels very old, looking at this man who is the exact same age, down to an atomic second. He says, “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” Kylo Ren asks, cocking his head.
Ben settles for, “I don’t really know. Everything, I suppose.”
thank god a lot of the research/analysis in art history essays can be done just by looking at art and talking about what’s going on in it
today at work a man brought a pug in on a leash and that pug was so excited and happy to see me it was as if we were old friends who havent been in contact in 7 years i felt so loved in that moment
today a bassett hound came in and wagged her tail so furiously all of her loose skin started to jiggle and she was so pumped to see me i want more dogs to come into my store they make my life whole and worthwhile
I’m so glad this came back cause a golden retriever named Milly came in today who put her paws on my register counter and wanted to say hi to me and I loved her so much and I scratched her ears and she gave me that classic dopey dog smile
yesterday a girl came in with her boyfriend and in her hand was a tiny tan colored dog that she told me was a chihuahua/pekingese mix and he had a severe underbite and one little canine tooth was poking out and his ears were like bent at the tips and i immediately commented on how amazing he was and she goes omg thanks do you wanna pet him and i was like there is literally nothing more i want to do while being on the clock right now than to pet this incredible tiny dog and he was so sweet and licked my hand and his name was spike
yesterday these people came in and put a blanket into one of our shopping baskets and it started to move and i was like omg whats in there and they set it down on the counter and the blanket kept moving and the suspense was so good like is it gonna be a cat is it gonna be a ferret maybe a lizard and then the smallest chihuahua ive ever seen in my life popped her little head out and licked my finger and i died
A baby german shepherd named Jonathan came in tonight and since i was on the sales floor and not behind a counter i say to the owner omg can i pet this angel and they were like yeah of course and i crouched down and Jonathan ran into my arms and almost tripped over his puppy feet it was 12/10
TODAY a german shepherd named london grabbed one of our lanterns off the shelf and was carrying it around and the owner was like, “london no, we’re not getting that” and gave him the merchandise she was buying instead and he carried it to me and dropped it on the counter at my register and i could have cried
