aprilwitching:

okay, so, in a lot of more recent nerdy-ass fiction, RPGs, etc., there is this concept of a dhampir, or “half-human, half-vampire”. generally, this sort of person/creature has most of the strengths of both humans and vampires, and few or none of the weaknesses.

so a while ago, my roommate and i were discussing this trope, and we ended up riffing for like 30 minutes on a hypothetical story about half-human, half-vampire twin brothers.

one would be the classic version of this character type– probably named “reave” or something, is nigh-immortal and invulnerable, has super-strength, can go out in daylight, doesn’t need to drink human blood to survive, able to use mind-control, can maybe like turn into a wolf or a flock of bats or a cat with a human face or some shit

but the other brother is called, like, “edgar”. or “barry”. or “mortimer”. and he inherited almost all his human parent’s weaknesses as well as almost all his vampire parent’s weaknesses– in fact, he inherited almost all of the vampire weaknesses my roommate and i could remember reading or hearing about, ever, whether they’re common features of modern pop-culture vampires or not. so mortimer is clinically obsessive-compulsive, especially wrt to numbers– he works as a CPA from a basement office (he can’t abide sunlight). he also hates garlic, can’t cross running water, enter a christian church or consecrated land, tolerate the sight of crosses, or go into a house without an explicit verbal invitation to do so. he has to sleep on top of (or underneath) his native soil. he needs human blood to survive, but mostly resorts to feeding off volunteers, or maybe buying/stealing it from hospitals if he’s really desperate– he doesn’t have super-strength, or sharp fangs, or the ability to hypnotize people and turn into animals. on top of all this, thanks to his human parent, he has asthma, dyspraxia, and bad eyesight. he looks like a short, pudgy, completely unimpressive and average twenty or thirtysomething nerd.

but he’s a pretty nice dude overall, and when misguided people who assume he’s like his (obnoxiously perfect) brother want him to help hunt down menacing vampires or otherwise solve supernatural problems for them, he doesn’t really have the heart to say no. poor mortimer– it’s rough being him.

he’s a really really good accountant, though