Stop me if you’ve heard this one before/that time I had to explain Jesus to a six-year-old I was babysitting

*walking past a church*
Child: *points at a large wooden crucifix replica out front* who is that?
Me: uh, that’s…Jesus…
Child: who is he?
Me: well, in the Christian religion he is regarded as the son of God
Child: is he real?
Me: *internally screaming FUUUUUUCCCKKKK* um, that’s a good question. Evidence suggests there was in fact a historical personage who once lived and that we now know as Jesus. How closely his life resembled the events written in the bible is somewhat unknown, and largely a matter of belief, I suppose, although what isn’t, really?
Child: *long pause* okay.
Child: *points at the statue again* Is he real?
Me: oh. OHH. You mean like, is that a real body???
Child: yes
Me: Oh good god Tyler, no, I think it’s wood