Given that I think “My Immortal” is a troll (with the reason generally being that author Tara references both Marty McFly and TOM BOMBADIL), I just reread it and I’m astounded by the effort put into it.
The spelling and grammar gets steadily worse over the course of the story, messing up simple words and even the main character’s name (variations on Ebony include Enoby, Enony, Eboby, and my favorite Enopby). The author gives frequent shoutouts in the A/N at the beginning of each chapter to someone called Raven, who she considers a friend and apparently functions as a beta. In chapter 16, Tara severs ties with Raven, expels/murders Raven’s character Willow, and changes Ebony’s full name to Ebony Dark’ness Dementia TARA Way. It’s suggested that they fought because Tara stole Raven’s poster of Gerard Way. By chapter 17, they appear to have made up and Willow is brought back with no further explanation.
The plot, of course, is just insane, but the story was obviously being read; Tara begins each chapter furiously ranting about “flamerz” leaving bad reviews, terribly misspelled. At one point, Ebony was referred to as a Mary Sue and she immediately tried to shut that down, citing “Satanism” and “depression” as flaws. She held each new chapter hostage, demanding a certain number (usually 5) good reviews before she would update. Assuming the spelling and grammar mistakes were intentional, the natural progression of them getting worse and worse is incredible. The difference between Tara’s A/Ns and Raven’s edited text is also astounding, although chapter 16, during their supposed rift, is not noticeably more poorly written than the chapters immediately preceding and following it.
The misspellings of character names and general slipups get worse and worse to the point that once, “Enopby” is referred to as “Tara”, and at another point, “TaEnby”, further to emphasize that Ebony is, in fact, the most obvious self insert in the history of literature. The reference to Marty McFly (he appears at the end of chapter 35 to spirit Ebony into the future) confounds me; Tara does not seem like she’d been aware of pop culture enough to have seen “Back to the Future”, given that she describes “The Nightmare Before Christmas” as this serious, depressing, Adult movie. She’s young enough to consider “he put his thingy into my tool” an accurate description of sex. Further, she references Tom Bombadil, a character in “Lord of the Rings” who I believe just shows up and sings for a while and is strongly implied to be God and then disappears, not really relevant to anything. He’s not even in the movies. Would Tara Gilesbie have read “Lord of the Rings” when she admits she’s never read the Harry Potter books?
Read through that lens (that this was an elaborate hoax), can you believe the rest of it was so organically terrible? Even now, 10+ years after the fact, no one can agree on whether this story is a troll, and until anyone finds out who Tara Gilesbie really is, it’s going to be impossible to know for sure. This is just crazy to me.
I have done extensive digging on this subject, and there is a lot more to My Immortal than meets the eye. Read as a troll, this story is a brilliant piece of satire on fan fiction. It incorporates so many cliches of the genre, especially those from the early to mid 2000′s. The obviously self-inserted Mary-Sue (mentioned above) along with unnecessary and unexplained crossovers, nonsensical sex scenes, and allusion to scene culture and pop punk music. Not to mention the story outside the story, Tara and Raven’s falling out, critiquing the culture of A/N’s and reviews. The tropes and cliches are far too obvious and overplayed to be sincere. I am a true believer that Tara was not only a troll, but a genius of satire. After all, if it was truly so bad, it would not have survived mixed in with ten years of equally terrible fan fiction. The legend of this story is so *ehem* immortal it has sparked heated debate in the online community for years, and was even made into a web series. (https://vimeo.com/70381882) Whether you believe it was satire or not, there is something about My Immortal that is inherently fascinating. Even if it was not her intention, Tara has created the bad fan fiction. It is a perfect storm of chaotic, nonsensical drama spiraling around the least original character ever written. Story lines are dropped and picked up again seemingly at random, characters and names are inconsistent to the point of being unintelligible, and there is no consistent overarching plot. In a sense, it is the anti-story, because it so decidedly defies every literary rule in the book. Either we are drawn to My Immortal as one watches a car wreck in awe, or because it satirizes the worst aspects of every story we have ever read. Regardless, the legacy of My Immortal will live on, either as a warning, or a work of pure genius.
next cat I get, I’m naming Enopby
“TaEnby” is a great name for a non-binary gender identity
I know this one! Gender is when rich people move into poor neighborhoods and make it too expensive for the poor people to live there, so they have to move
No, you’re thinking of gentrification
Gender is the highest rank in the military
No, you’re thinking of general. Gender is the final evolution of a line of ghost-type pokemon released in the color cartridge pokemon games and which has long been rumored to be the spirit or the shadow of a dead clefable.
No, you’re thinking of Gengar. A gender is a person who is not Jewish.
No, you’re thinking of a gentile. A gender is a level of classification of living organisms that falls between a Family and a Species.
No, you’re thinking of Genus. Gender is
a soldier who is employed on police duties.
No, you’re thinking of a gendarme. Gender is the act of bending at least one knee to the ground as a sign of respect.
No, you’re thinking of genuflection. Gender is
the study of heredity and the variation of inherited characteristics.
No, you’re thinking of Genetics. Gender is the band that made the 1986 hit “Invisible Touch”.
No, you’re thinking of Genesis. Gender is a tower-building game comprised of wooden blocks in which the object is to strategically remove blocks from the lower portions of the tower and stack them on the top without causing the structure to collapse.
No, you’re thinking of Jenga. A gender is a supernatural creature made of smokeless fire.
No, you’re thinking of Genies. Gender a category of artistic composition, as in music or literature, characterized by similarities in form, style, or subject matter.
I’m going to admit right now that I never thought I would make this theory, let alone endorse it, but after a period of uncomfortable denial I’ve realized that I cannot in good conscience keep this to myself. I think one of Connie’s distant ancestors might have been a gem-human hybrid. The words taste bitter coming out of my mouth, but I wouldn’t say them without evidence
From the beginning, we were told that there has never in the history of anything and everything been another half-gem like Steven, and that his very existence is unprecedented, and yet…
Rose: Steven, we can’t both exist. I’m going to become half of you.
How the fuck did Rose know this? There’s never been a half-human hybrid before. Hell, no gem has ever given birth before! How the could she have possibly known that he wouldn’t just be a pure human, or that he would wouldn’t just have his own gem, or that she would become a part of him rather than simply being trapped in his gemstone? This has happened before, and Rose hid that from her own team!
That brings us to another issue: Fusion
Greg: Wait, you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here, I need to be able to fuse with Rose.
Garnet: First you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light.
One of the problems that’s bugged me the most behind the scenes is the fact that Steven was able to fuse with Connie. How Steven’s body works has been a mystery for some time. He seems to be a mix of flesh and light since he’s able to shapeshift and fuse all the same, but if Connie was human, she should just be made of meat and bones and keratin. Her being able to fuse with anyone, even Steven, should be completely impossible by the logic of the show!
And while we’re talking about things that should be impossible, let’s talk about her being able to lift Rose’s Sword
This is a weapon made for a woman twice her size with super strength, and yet Connie wields it effortlessly in battle. Wields – not bench-presses – wields, with skill and grace. I can guarantee you that you are not going to find a 12-year-old human girl out there who can fight with a greatsword in one hand. Believe me, I’ve run experiments.
And you know what? We shouldn’t even be shocked. This was foreshadowed a while ago. Listen to this:
Connie: It’s my favorite series! It’s about this girl named Lisa and she’s a witch! – I mean, she doesn’t know she’s a witch at first. Anyways she goes on this quest to find her father after he’s kidnapped by the mysterious one-eyed man.
And who does Connie dress up as in Open Book?
She dressed up as Lisa, the girl who didn’t know about her magical powers!
Side Note: I wonder if that mysterious one-eyed man who kidnaps her father is foreshadowing for something
Okay, back to Connie. I think it’s safe to say there Connie having a distant gem relative isn’t as far-fetched as it sounded. If said ancestor was male like Steven is their quarter-human offspring probably wouldn’t have a gem, but since Steven canonically has gem DNA there would still be some left over traits.
The real question now is who? Contrary to the image above, I don’t think Connie is a descendant of Blue Diamond since she is still presumably alive. How would that even work anyway? Sexing up a 25-foot-tall woman is not something a human is capable of, no matter what JK Rowling might tell you. That said there is quite a bit of evidence that Connie’s gem ancestor was of the blue court. Both she and her mother resemble blue court gems
And the blue court itself had a definitively Indo-Persian aesthetic
There’s also the blue court’s ever-present connection with water, whereas Connie spent her very first episode trapped on the ocean floor
Plus there’s the fact that Connie is almost always seen in a blue or teal outfit
At this point, I’d hazard a guess guess that Connie’s gem ancestor was a Turquoise
