zinogrehunter:

fluffmugger:

sapphysapph:

For the uninitiated, this is what Magpies are like during “swooping season” here in Australia.

• Fun fact: people have been known to walk around with empty ice cream containers on their heads to protect themselves in lieu of helmets.

Things to remember:

1) This is an Australian magpie. it is not like European magpies.It’s not a flappy bappy chirpy little shitbag you can bat away with your palm. This is a fucking crow in cow makeup

2) Cats and dogs will not try and take them on because cats and dogs know they will lose

3) They live for 25 years and yes, they will remember your face.  Although I will confess that my 36 years of life I have never seen a dead one. Under tumblr logic this means they are immortal

4) They are insane. Cold stone bug-fuck insane.  And they give zero fucks.I’ve seen them attack cyclists, moving cars, trucks, even a goddamn train.

So imagine, if you will, you are walking merrily down a street one spring and suddenly this train-assaulting, cow-cosplaying ball of immortal feathers and batshit insanity comes screaming out of nowhere and tries to embed itself in the back of your skull, beak clacking like the pump of a shotgun as it tears out chunks of your hair.

This is Australia.

Shit. It’s the start of Spring… I think I’ll stay inside for as long as it’s not necessary to go outside… Magpies are scary shit man.