Aries: “Welcome,” he said, shoving my hair hard, “to the butt room.”
Taurus: “No way,” I cried out orgasmically. “No way, no way, no way.”
Gemini: “When I woke up Christian Grey had somehow gotten an entire orange into my mouth.”
Cancer: “Say it,” he commanded. “Yankity Spankity.” “Louder.”
Leo: “He gently handcuffed me to the parking meter. “Bye.”
Virgo: “The helicopter was built for sex, I observed sexily. You could lie across the seats or recline them.”
Libra: “Christian Grey picked up the long black thing and started working my zone. It was bananas.”
Scorpio: “The sex feelings flooded my body like a charging herd of itty, bitty elephants. We’re talking small.”
Sagittarius: “Do I afraid you?” Christian Grey asked, licking his eyebrow.”
Capricorn: “It’s a Murphy Bed,” he explained. “Maybe one day we could leave it up and have sex in the walls.”
Aquarius: “Christian Grey mashed on my area with the meat of his hand. “Do you like that, you woman?”
Pisces: “Hey,” I asked “Didn’t you used to be a vampire?”
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THERE IS NO WAY ANY OF THESE ARE REAL IM SO MAD
these are actually real that’s honestly just how bad the book is
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