awkwardspiritanimals:

nymphadora tonks has known alastor moody for exactly four days before she begins to address him by one of two names and two names only

1) mad-eye 

• the first time she calls him this, it’s at the end of the day and she shouts it as he’s clunking away
• see you tomorrow, mad-eye, we’ll all try not to lose a buttock in the meantime
• all the other auror cadets freeze because they think they’re maybe about to watch one of their fellow trainees be murdered by the most legendary auror any of them are ever going to meet
• they’re absolutely sure of it when moody stops walking and they know he’s looking at them through the back of his head with his magical eye so they’re all trying very hard not to make any sudden movements or loud noises so they don’t draw any attention to themselves
• except for tonks, who is fucking waving with the world’s largest shit-eating grin on her face
• and then moody starts walking again, shouting back constant vigilance!

2) the man the myth the legend, auror mister alastor q. moody, sir, the constantly vigilant

• she has no idea what moody’s actual middle name is, and she’s not sure there’s a living person who does
• so she just picks a new middle initial every time, whatever strikes her fancy at the moment
• she’s particularly fond of u, because every time someone new hears her say it and asks what his middle name is she tells them it’s unicorn.
• alastor unicorn moody?
• it’s a very old family name, you know how purebloods can get with their names.
• sometimes when she does this, moody breaks out her full name, all nine syllables and twenty-four letters, in revenge
• in revenge for that, tonks will get kingsley to do it, which he does in that calm, deep voice of his that sounds a bit like it’s chipping something into stone
• moody deeply regrets taking either of them on as his proteges
• (he does not actually regret it, even a little bit, not even when they tell the new recruits about it and he has to scare the life out the first one to dare uttering the words the man the myth the legend within a kilometer of him. that’s actually sort of fun.)