xekstrin:

overachieversloth:

snugglebug-the-mighty:

jewishdragon:

mercy-misrule:

lslines:

goodfriendo:

jerkstorecalling:

jerkstorecalling:

rubynrags:

jerkstorecalling:

pymparticles:

jerkstorecalling:

“Everyone’s had tuna tartare before.”

This is the least relatable and most infuriating cooking video I’ve seen to date.

I love how out of nowhere he casually drops that one of the ingredients in the dish takes a fucking WEEK to prepare.

First, pop your tuna steaks, bowl, and meat grinder in your Samsung Smart Freezer for ten minutes.

That gives us enough time to blend these vegetables together and let it ferment for ten days.

When your ten minutes and ten days have simultaneously passed, we’re ready to grind and combine. But you know this. Everyone’s had tuna tartare before.

Now, you’re going to take your gold leaf and marinate that in about 3 gallons of Rose for at least 75 hours. This is a crucial part of tuna tartare, as you know.
You can put your tartare back in the freezer, but for no more than ten minutes at a time. I like to get my butler, Chauncey, to stand watch of the tuna and make sure it goes for a walk in our greenhouse every 3 hours. 
Next, grab your toast. I like to get mine fresh from Morocco, so you’re gonna have to book a flight at least 7 weeks in advance from this dish.

I like to make my friends WATCH the fish go through the grinder. A party isn’t a party until my friends watch me grind fish meat

This still pisses me off a full 24 hours later and I’m glad others share my ire

This is one of the most infuriating things I’ve watched thanks I hate it

@mercy-misrule

my favourite thing is him dropping in casually the smoked olive oil that you yourself are supposed to hot smoke

I’m literally dying

like the dish actually looks great but it’s so hard to see that under the thick layer of GO FUCK YOURSELF

this is extremely tone deaf for us standard edition people, but it is an advertisement for people who have the Insane Amounts of Money to drop on that crazy ass refrigerator and on a huge ass chunk of red tuna for a snack.

So what you get at the end is the wildest piece of culinary comedy possible for the actual masses.

you want to take a meat grinder– you have a meat grinder, right? well everyone knows your meat grinder needs to be the same temperature as the meat you grind by hand