hey guys here’s my review of how much various horror movies fit their titles
scream: there is a respectable amount of screaming. could have been called “guy in a screamy mask with a knife” but they took a risk with the title and I respect that 7/10
the descent: there is a good amount of descending in this movie 8/10
it follows: it does, in fact, follow 9/10
Oculus: dumb. Idk what oculus means and I don’t care. shld have been called “murder mirror” 0/10
the babadook: movie is based around an entity known as the babadook. very good 10/10
creep: I guess the guy is fairly creepy, but I i wish the title was a little more specific. Work the wolf mask in there next time 5/10
the exorcist: there is an exorcist 8/10
the houses that October built: October can’t build houses. It’s a month. Idiots. 2/10 because it does, at least, take place in October
silent hill: I don’t think there are any hills that are more silent than the average hill in this movie 1/10
paranormal activity: there is activity that is fairly paranormal 9/10
the blair witch project: I guess what they’re doing could be counted as a project, and it DOES involve the blair witch, but I’d call it more of a “documentary” than a “project” 7/10
split: there are, to the best of my knowledge, no splits of either the gymnastic or banana variety in this movie 0/10
the midnight meat train: there is a train at midnight, and some meat themes throughout the movie, but the train itself is not filled with meat 6/10
the conjuring: nothing is actually conjured. they’re actually trying to get rid of something, which is like. the opposite of conjuring -100/10
The Witch: There is a witch, but the real monster is bad parenting. 7/10
Ex Machina: Nothing really comes out of the machine. In fact the robot puts things on. 0/10
A Nightmare on Elm Street: False advertising. Several nightmares on Elm Street. 5/10
Get Out: Man should get out indeed. Audience should stay. Good flick. 10/10
Ouija: Origins: Failed. Not a documentary about the creation of the Ouija Board from Hasbro nor the history of the spiritualist movement. It was all just character relationships and people talking about feelings. -10/10
Friday the 13th: Takes place on the date specified, but could have just as easily have taken place any other day. 6/10
Rosemary’s Baby: The plot focuses more on the lead-up to Rosemary’s baby. Should have been called “Rosemary’s Pregnancy and Subsequent Demon Baby”. 4.5/10
Halloween: While not about Halloween in specific, the plot is very Halloween centric. 7/10
Alien: Yup. That’s an alien alright. 9/10
House of 1000 Corpses: I admire this movie’s goal of 1000 dead bodies in a single film, but it falls dreadfully short of its mark. There are only 78-124 corpses in this movie, depending on what you define as a “corpse”. 78-124/1000
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