“Steal something of his, and when he comes looking for it blame it on the other guy and then tell him you found it for him,” Taako said. “Wait, it is a him right? Papa didn’t raise no het?”
“Sir…” Angus groaned.
“I’m kidding darling, I’ll love you no matter your lifestyle,” Taako said, going back to cooking.
“Taako stop giving him bad advice!” Kravitz huffed. “Angus, you remember how Taako and I met?”
“You were trying to kill each other, sir,” Angus replied, deadpan.
“Exactly!” Kravitz beamed. “Passions run high in the heat of battle when you’re chasing down a bounty! I’m sure that will work.”
From the table where the rest of the Council of Angus’s Guardians was assembled, Lup and Magnus were trying very hard not to let their giggles escape past the hands clamped over their mouths. Those hands belonged to Barry but at least they were letting him quiet them.
“Does…anyone else have any ideas?” Angus asked.
“Wait…maybe he should try calligraphy?” Kravitz mused. “Is calligraphy still in? Taako? Are the young people still into calligraphy?”
“Anyone?” Angus asked more desperately.
“Alright, kiddo, listen up,” Lup said, moving Barry’s hand and putting a foot up on the table like she was a ship’s captain planning their next move and not just an unruly house guest. “So here’s what you do. You find the biggest guy in the room and you pick a fight with them. You take them down and then you’ve got…no wait that’s what you do in prison…hmmm hang on a sec…”
“No, I think that could work!” Magnus said. “That’s how Julia got me!”
“What about flowers?” Merle suggested innocently.
“Flowers are a good idea!” Angus said.
“Then you won’t even need the girl,” Merle snickered, elbowing Davenport who was busy hiding his face in his hands.
Angus drooped, groaning.
“Listen, Angus,” Lucretia said. “Just try being honest with her and asking her out. And if that doesn’t work we can always track down the voidfish and wipe her mind as many times as you need to get it right.”
“Oh sick, Creesh is really thinking!” Lup nodded approvingly.
“You could write her a song?” Barry suggested nervously.
“Oh, I like that one,” Kravitz agreed.
“Or, seal a drop of your blood in an enchanted amulet for her, that’s a classic,” Barry said.
“…I’m right here,” Kravitz said, gesturing to himself. “I, your boss, am right here, as you tell the child to use necromancy.”
While the others argued, Taako pulled Angus aside.
“First of all, try this caramel sauce and tell me what you think,” he said, holding out a spoon to Angus. Angus tasted it and gave a nod.
“It’s real good sir!”
“Okay then, you’re gonna learn how to make it,” Taako said. “It’s real simple. Mostly just sugar. So there’s little chance of food allergies or anything. You can put it in a nice glass jar and tie a ribbon around it and give it to her.”
“S-sir?” Angus asked.
“Not right away of course,” Taako said. “You never start with the gifts. Take her to the library or the coffee shop or something first and get to know her, then ply her with sweets. You’ll be golden, Ango.”
“…thank you sir,” Angus beamed.
“Course,” Taako said. “That Irene seems like a nice kid from what I’ve seen in your diary.”
“SIR!”
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