It’s in the Super Dictionary, a flawless piece of literature that has such other wonderful situations such as cake theft…
shoe-stealing whales…
Green Lantern and Green Arrow fleeing an angry mob (also a duck is involved)…
and “please help me.”
One of my greatest regrets is not owning this book.
Some more highlights from the Super Dictionary:
Superman is friends with a giant who has no teaspoons.
Green Lantern looks at animals.
Joker and Batman are dating.
Robin gets tied up a lot.
Robin in general has a very bad time.
Supergirl’s text says “afraid” but her eyes say something else entirely.
Superman invites literally everybody he knows to come and watch Lois Lane sleeping.
Lesbians.
Superman gets trapped in a bubble. Not a kryptonite bubble, just a regular soap bubble.
And Green Arrow plans to murder a child.
I could post dozens more of the strange situations (like Atom going on a date with a bee, Green Lantern LOSING HIS SHIT over a child trying to pick his flowers, some strange fetishy stuff with giants, Batman refusing to get down off the table, Wonder Woman’s continuous battles against pterodactyls, and Supergirl’s forays into paleontology), but that’d take forever and this post is already pretty long. The Super Dictionary is a wonderful acid trip of a book and I have never regretted purchasing my copy. If you’d like to see some scans, there’s more of them here!
years after his cooking show has started, taako critically examines his wardrobe and is baffled by how many shirts he has saying “world’s stinkiest brother” or “i’m the better looking twin” and even “reason #2 why we can’t have nice things” and is just like. huh. can’t remember going through this phase of irony, but i sure am glad i’m out of it.
he can’t bring himself to throw them out, because he’s a notorious hoarder, and when he wears them as pjs on the moon base everyone teases him about it.
‘I came into this and called Joe and Anthony and said, “Look, don’t write me the old Thor, we’ve got a new Thor now,”’ Chris said.
He was referencing the highly acclaimed shift towards a comedic, self-referential tone he and Taika made with Ragnarok.
But instead of observing his request to keep the character’s newfound mojo alive, the Russo brothers reportedly told him they’d ‘reinvented’ the character once again.
Chris recalled his response: ‘I was like “no, no, no” and I was really protective of what I’d created with Taika.’
They explained that the new direction was in line with the higher-stakes of the Avengers film, and to ensure the character worked well in an ensemble cast.
Fuck the Russo brothers
this is from the fucking daily mail
I bit the bullet and clicked the Daily Mail link (with adblocker on). They’ve essentially reposted an article from the Telegraph, except subtly changed things here and then.
The key takeaway from the original article:
The Russo brothers told him they had reinvented the character of Thor
all over again, something that took Hemsworth a while to embrace.
“I was like ‘no, no, no’ and I was really protective of what I’d created with Taika,” Hemsworth said.
“They
then said, ‘No this is a whole different thing; Thor’s never faced
something like this, never been a part of this large and ensemble.’
“I think for our characters it was difficult but for me a hugely exciting adventure.”
So Hemsworth had a couple of doubts which were soon more or less put to rest. Compare that with what the Mail has to say about it:
‘I came into this and called Joe and
Anthony and said, “Look, don’t write me the old Thor, we’ve got a new
Thor now,”’ Chris said.
He was referencing the highly acclaimed shift towards a comedic, self-referential tone he and Taika made with Ragnarok.
But
instead of observing his request to keep the character’s newfound mojo
alive, the Russo brothers reportedly told him they’d ‘reinvented’ the
character once again.
[…]
Thor’s… knife? According to a report published Saturday, Infinity War writers (Joe and Anthony Russo) ignored Chris’ requests for them to observe the dramatic changes made to the character in Ragnarok
[…]
This means (infinity) war! Chris recalled his response: ‘I was like “no,
no, no” and I was really protective of what I’d created with Taika’
Check out that emotive language! This wasn’t a chat between collaborators, it was an argument, they ignored him, it meant WAR! The Mail is not subtle about who it wants you to sympathize with here. Check out the headlines even, the original article from the Telegraph:
Chris Hemsworth’s big worry with new ‘Avengers’ movie
Verus the Mail:
‘I felt stuck’: Chris Hemsworth argued with Avengers Infinity War writers after they ‘reinvented’ Thor against his will for the upcoming sequel
Does the quote “I felt stuck” appear anywhere in the article, apart from in the dramatic clickbaity headline and one of the photo captions? It does not.
Because, if you click if the original Telegraph interview, you will see that he is not talking about “feeling stuck” in regards to the Infinity War script, but rather in regards to the first two Avengers movies:
Hemsworth felt he hadn’t given his best performances in the past two Avengers movies, but his experience on Ragnarok gave him the self-assurance to make his voice heard.
“I
felt stuck about what I was giving there and felt like I probably
wasn’t bringing my portion to it as much as I could have,” Hemsworth
said.
So the Mail are outright misrepresenting what he said in order to get you to click. And it worked!
…
Okay. This is a tiny thing. Fundamentally, it does not really matter that Thor, a fairly standard white male superhero, might be written ever so slightly differently (but still as a superhero!) in a film that has 20+ characters vying for attention. But why am I bothering to write all this then?
Because this is how the Daily Mail operates. This is, in the bluntest possible terms, how they’ve managed to keep their hate-spewing empire running for so long. They adjust the facts just enough to get you angry, angry enough to click and read and pass the article along. How dare those writers disrespect my favourite actor, fuck the Russo brothers, and so on! They thrive on your outrage and weaponise it. Click, click, click. More ads, more money.
The Daily Mail is not a legitimate news source, and it’s to the extreme detriment of everyone that people seem to think they are. If you haven’t heard the story of what they did to Lucy Meadows and her wife, I urge you to drop by and read it now. [tw transphobia, suicide] If you haven’t heard how the Mail tried to needle Lilly Wachowski when she came out, insisting how someone was obviously gonna out her so it might as well be them, read that too. The story of how one of their columnists used the death of a gay pop star to fuel homophobia? It happened a while ago, but it’s also a good look at how they operate – of course their story is the right one, can’t they be trusted over the words of those trained medical professionals who’re “spinning” a different story? When in doubt, misrepresent.
Guys, what I’m basically saying is… in the world we live in today (we all know what’s been going on around here recently) we’ve gotta be so careful with these things. Obviously a huge amount of the people round here don’t know what the Daily Mail actually is, don’t live in the same country even, I’m not really blaming anyone. It’s just, you know – that’s how they get you. “Well, I was angry about the writers for a upcoming superhero movie, and the Mail validated that anger by making them seem like arrogant villains. What else’ve they got?” Click, click, click. Outrage, outrage, outrage. Most popular English-language news website in the world.
I’m sure Infinity War will be just fine.
Read the above post, please.
Holy shit, people actually read this? I wanna drop another link in then – Stop Funding Hate. They’re trying to get advertisers to abandon the Mail and its ilk, and so far it seems to be working at least to some extent.
You know, I think those articles comparing Homestuck to works of classic literature may be closer to the mark than many folks realise. I mean, let’s go down the list:
Takes forever to get going
Way too many viewpoint characters, many of whom are only introduced two-thirds of the way through the text
Careens wildly between narrative and epistolary formats
Long, stylistically affected dialogues, especially in situations where you wouldn’t think there’d be time to stop and chat
Repeated digressions about peripherally relevant worldbuilding details, often focusing on characters who play little or no role in the actual plot
Sentimental preoccupation with a very specific era of popular culture
Strongly opinionated narrator who appears to have some sort of romantic obsession with one of the female leads
Kills off half its speaking cast
Published piecemeal, alternating large bursts of content with lengthy hiatuses
The author isn’t getting paid by the word, but it feels like he should be
Victor Hugo would be proud, is what I’m saying.
(For those who are unsure whether this is a callout post of Andrew Hussie or a callout post of Victor Hugo, I encourage you to examine your assumption that it can only be one of those two things.)
Before she learns about his secret identity, Lois Lane
thinks Clark Kent is a goddamn mess
She goes to his place to work on a joint article and it
takes her like half an hour to find out that Clark lives in an absolutely
nonfunctional house
She has to change a lightbulb but there are no stools, no
sufficiently high chairs, no way of reaching the ceiling unless you find a way
to climb the walls. “How the hell do you change your bulbs?” she asks. Clark
mutters something about misplacing the footstool and helps her drag the table
from the kitchen to the living room.
Lois watches Clark make lasagna and has to physically
restrain him from pulling the tray out of the oven with his bare hands. “Are
you out of your goddamn MIND?” she yells, scrambling to pull him away on time. “What
are you DOING? WHERE ARE THE OVEN MITTS?” and Clark is just like “Right…..oven
mitts…….. I think I lost them with the uh. footstool” both he and Lois pause
for a moment to engage in a riveting game of Mentally Punch Clark
Lois runs into the bathroom to put on a disguise and yells
out, “Where do you keep your razor?” There’s a gust of wind and Clark comes
back with slightly windswept hair. “I got it!” he says with unwarranted
triumph. “It’s right here. The razor I use.” Lois looks at it and it is CLEARLY
recently purchased and never used and she’s just like. I don’t even care
anymore
For weeks she just assumes Clark is missing some crucial
element in his home and starts stacking her own things all over the place. Lois thinking Clark has no clue how to take care of himself while Clark is Eternally Tormented and has to find ways to keep his identity a secret while living in close quarters, and the slow burn mutual pining roommates AU of my dreams begins
