derive your fantasy settings from somewhere other than medieval europe you cowards
apart from anything else it gives you the chance to read some world history from parts of the world that aren’t europe and that shit is non-stop fun
some to start you off:
the an lushan rebellion (and literally all chinese imperial court drama makes european political machination look totally pathetic)
the battle of tondibi (and literally the entire fall of the songhai empire to the morrocan invaders)
the hajj of mansa musa (the richest man of all history)
kublai khan’s repeated and failed attempts to invade japan
this isn’t even stretching to like, russia, southern africa, the pacific, or anywhere in the americas yet?
c’mon man don’t you wanna base a fantasy story on patachuti?
#this isn’t even an argument for social justice#i am just fucking BORED
oh my god am I the one who’s been misspelling kismessitude all this time I thought it was kismesissitude
EDIT: ok I was right, it is kismesissitude
there should be a version of the pregante video but with the names of the quadrants being misspelled on troll yahoo answers
“Kismessississitude”
“Red feelings for Kismis?!?”
“Kissmess”
“Is there potental for kismesited?”
“5 sweps too young for meatsprit??”
“Tips for seducing mesprit?”
“Matesprate”
“How to get mat spit FAST!?!?”
“Need Auspite, urgent?”
“What to do when auspisticice does not want to anymore?”
“Marill will not talk to me.?”
“i think my morale is flust for me??”
“WHY do all of my friends have morals except me?????”
This is hilarious but meanwhile in the real world 90% of fic authors write ‘matesprite’ instead of ‘matesprit’ and I die a little inside every time I see it.
My entire world has been shattered by the realization that Garfield is an entirely plausible warrior cats name. A gar is a fairly common species of fish, and the cats of course know what a field is.
This knowledge is a great burden.An important detail that I feel shouldn’t be ignored: Garfield would only be the name of a warrior, elder, or medicine cat. Other ranks/ages have assigned suffixes, meaning Garfield would also, at some point, hold the names:
Garkit,
Garpaw,
and, if fortune favors the cat in question,
Garstar
thanks! I want to burn this from my memory and the earth in general
Garfield, the sibling to Mountaindew and Smokeweed.
I just realized that Han never knew that Luke got his hand chopped off while he was in carbonite and I don’t know which path I want to follow with this information:
1. Han seeing Luke’s injured hand after the sail barge battle and thinking that Luke has been a robot the whole time
2. Luke shaking his hand with a super-firm grip and Han just thinking “Wow this kid has gotten…absurdly strong.”
3. Luke just pulls off his hand one day and throws it at Han.
4. Luke picks up a spacechicken carcass and crushes it with his bare hand and Han is intimidated
5. Han says “It’s good to see you’re all right” and then Luke says “well, actually…” and pulls off his hand and Han falls over the back of his chair
6. Han says “It’s good to see you’re all right” and everyone gasps and Leia says “Too soon!” and Han is confused and they all just rag on him
7. Han needs a battery and Luke just opens up his hand and pulls out a battery and gives it to him and Han just stares
8. Luke reappears after a mission with all the synthflesh off and Han says “I thought it was easy but you LOST YOUR HAND?” and Luke just says “Oh, no, I lost this before Endor” and Han is hurt and betrayed.
9. Luke keeps making hand puns and limb puns and raising his right hand to high-five Han and Han just never gets it
10. Luke excitedly tells Han as they’re waiting to be taken to the Sarlacc because it’s been a whole year that he’s wanted to tell the guy.
I just got one of those door-to-door evangelists, and I’ve gotta admit I kind of feel sorry for them – their pitch is, like, hilariously ineffective because they just don’t seem to realise that most folks have no point of reference on what they’re selling. It’s like watching someone try to convince people that they should play Pokémon, except they’re operating under the unexamined assumption that everyone everywhere is already familiar with the basics and just can’t decide which generation is best, so they’re standing there banging on about the finer points of the type matchup grid to an audience whose knowledge of and interest in the franchise begins and ends with “the monster goes in the ball”.
I once completely stumped an evangelist when I was a kid because he asked me if I knew who Jesus was, and I said ‘no’.
“No?” the poor dude repeated, looking dubiously at his companion.
Me being myself, I immediately doubled-down.
“No,” I repeated. “Who’s Jesus?”
This summoned up a long silence, followed by the evangelists asking to speak to my mother or father.
“They’re not here,” I said. Technically also a lie, but my father was sleeping from working nights, and I wasn’t going to wake him up for this.
“Well… um… so Jesus… Jesus Christ? Our Lord and Saviour, Who is the Son of God?” the chatty evangelist tried, looking at me like I was some kind of alien puzzle.
“You mean Hercules?” I responded, for some reason. I still don’t know why.
Another long silence. We were clearly off-script. The chatty evangelist started trying to go through the ‘died for your sins’ spiel, and for some reason, all I could think to do was roll with the angle that I was legitimately unfamiliar with even the concept of Jesus, and had somehow reached the age of nine or ten with only a thorough education on Greek Mythology to serve me in a religious context.
I think the second guy was well aware that I was full of shit, because he kept covering his mouth like he was going to laugh, but the first guy was just caught somewhere between horror and a weird kind of excitement. Like he’d been waiting to finally meet someone who didn’t know ANYTHING about Jesus, just so he could be the first to explain the whole Christianity deal.
Anyways long story short I ended up just trying to tell them all about the Trials of Hercules, like we were just exchanging fun facts we knew about demigods, while the first guy was just adamantly trying to be like ‘no that stuff is made up, but the Jesus stuff is true’, until his friend finally was just like ‘thank you have a good day’ and closed the door and made him leave.
at some point tony stark designs a helmet with a slightly tilted mouth slit to look like the :/ emoticon
finally someone said something canon