Petition to rename Animorphs books more accurately, so they’re called things like “first named character gets eaten alive”, “first suicide attempt”, and “oh my god even more genocide are you kidding me”
#1: “First named character gets eaten alive”
#2: “First incidence of PTSD, also JESUS CHRIST, ANTS”
#3: “First suicide attempt”
#4: “THEY BIT HIM IN HALF”
#5: “WELL THIS ONE’S UPSETTING”
#6: “Genocide and slavery, basically”
#7: “The future can involve eating your friends”
#8: “Well, this is the one with cinnamon buns…”
#9: “Oh thank god it’s getting less traumatic”
#10: “THE BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE”
#11: “someone dies and it’s confusing”
#12: “let’s sell out the human race, nbd”
#13: “SHIT GOIN DOWN HODAM”
#14: “Poop Jokes”
#15: “*unintelligible screaming about sharks*”
#16: “SO MUCH CANNIBALISM, ALSO CASUAL MURDER.”
#17: “This is the oatmeal one. Alternatively, this is the chemical warfare one.”
#18: “Brain lobes get bitten off in this one.”
#19: “Moral Shades Of Gray: The Book. Also a throat gets ripped out, and parts of it stuck in someone’s teeth.”
#20: “OH NO”
#21: “OH NOOOOOO”
#22: “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST NOOOOOOOO”
#23: “HE JUST WANTED A FUCKING FAMILY”
#24: “… let’s pretend this one never happened”
#25: “RIPPED ITS SKIN RIGHT OFF. Also, more genocide.”
#26: “GENOCIDE AHOY”
#27: “Increase Your Password Security”
#28: “Graphic Depictions of a Slaughterhouse”
#29: “Graphic Depictions of Alien Brain Surgery”
#30: “*sobbing intensifies*ok that’s all for now
#31: attempted faux-patricide, with a knife
#32: using your own dismembered limbs as weaponry
#33: torture, the book
#34: there’s no on-page genocide, it’s just backstory
#35: half-gorilla, half-trout
#36: Atlantis practices sapient taxidermy
#37: this one could never be published post 9/11
#38: averted genocide!
#39: Opened wide in a silent scream as gleaming, white teeth erupted from the pink gums.
#40: ableism & betrayal
#41: in the future, everything is worse
#42:angry aliens are inside you. Rabies?
#43: HUNGER
#44: Cassie goes to Australia! Cracky, fluffy, murder, gangene, cannibalism…
#45: This is the part where it gets intense.
#46: AX NO MAYBE
#47: no one we actually cared about died…
#48: Job interview from hell, almost literally
#49: no no no Jake no I’m sorry
#50: what’s better than 6 child soldiers? MORE child soldiers.
#51: oh good it’s a chase sequence
#52: collateral damage, the book
#53: NO NO NO NO
#54: NO NO NO NO NOThe Andalite Chronicles: all your heroes are flawed
The Hork-Bajir Chronicles: genocide, the book
VISSER: the villains are complex and sympathetic and still unflinchingly evil
The Ellimist Chronicles: how to become a god; spoiler alert: everyone dies
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