terezis:

Your name is TAAKO. You are a MASTER CHEF and an EVEN BETTER PERFORMER, if your subscriber count has anything to say about it. You run a FANTASY YOUTUBE CHANNEL called SIZZLE IT UP! WITH TAAKO, which is basically the hottest show on the web right now. The MASSES love to watch you work, and while you don’t love to work, you sure do love the attention it gets you. You’re a STAR, baby, and you’re going STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.

You have a variety of other interests, too, because you’re a MULTIDIMENSIONAL, FULLY-REALIZED CREATION. You love to FISH almost as much as you love TALKING SHIT, and you have a bad habit of STEALING ANYTHING YOUR GAY LITTLE HANDS CAN CARRY. You also have a fondness for WIZARDS.

God DAMN do you love WIZARDS.

Sometimes you feel like you’re missing something, though you can’t imagine what. You’ve got FAME. You’re on your way to FORTUNE. What else does a guy need? You might describe this feeling as a SISTER-SIZED HOLE in your heart, but you don’t have a sister, so that’s dumb. You’re dumb for thinking that.

You don’t have any family to speak of, but you do have TWO ASSHOLES some might call your friends. Today, you’re going to play a game with them! Surely this will go extremely well, and nothing bad will happen to you at all.

What will you do?