There’s an article—one I’m not going to link to—that’s been going around about how women with short hair are clearly unstable because all straight men prefer women with long hair. And I’ve seen a lot of dudes responding to it with anger, then rebutting it by saying that, it’s okay, ladies, short hair is totally hot.
Dudes, no.
Let me lay this down for you: What makes that article offensive is not that dudebro thinks ladies with short hair are ugly and unbalanced. It’s not even that he’s flagging for a stupid and outdated and artificial beauty standard. It’s that he thinks that ladies whose primary priority isn’t being as attractive as possible to dudes are mentally ill. It’s that he feels entitled to dictate what women can and can’t do with their bodies.
I’ve seen this play out over, and over, and over; in professional and personal contexts. A lady writes or makes something. A dude comes in and dismisses her opinion on the basis that he thinks she’s ugly. Other dudes then rush in to shout him down and reassure her that she is totally pretty. This is how they “support” her: by continuing to derail discussion of her ideas or accomplishments in favor of arguing over how hot they do or don’t find her, or patronizing her with the idea that what she must be upset over isn’t the total dismissal of what she’s done or said in favor of beauty-pageant judging, but that someone thinks she isn’t pretty.
Dudes, I know your intentions are good. I know you want ladies you care about to think that they are awesome and beautiful. But when you do this, you become part of the problem. Don’t be that guy. Pay attention to context. Respond to context. And instead of rebutting those trolls with “Hell, no! She’s gorgeous!” or “Short hair is totally hot!” try “You don’t get to dictate her choices based on your personal beauty standards.” Try listening and responding to what the women in the conversation are actually saying, and bear in mind that, under some circumstances, a compliment can be every bit as dismissive and dehumanizing as an insult.
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