Too often, I have gotten into arguments with my female friends (both online and off) about the misuse of the label “feminist.” I rarely call myself that directly, and it’s not because I am “afraid” of doing so. I am simply aware of how loaded — both historically and presently — that term has been for many people. From Susan B Anthony proudly proclaiming that she would cut off her right arm before letting blacks have the vote before white women, to radical feminists veiling their hatred for trans women with an interest in protecting us from male bodies, there are many women throughout history who have used the title in distinctly damaging ways. There are also women like Fey, whose feminism comes with so many asterisks as to render it meaningless for a huge amount of modern women. And whether it is a woman of color preferring the term womanism because she feels it more aptly addresses her needs where feminism leaves her out of the conversation, or an older woman whose experience with the second wave left her disillusioned about how many people the term could exclude, it is not my job or anyone else’s to shame someone into taking the label.