Last night we were talking about all the other Earth-based SBURB sessions. Now, most of them were probably screwed from the start if they weren’t part of an ectobiological loop (unless there was a rash of meteor babies delivered in the 90s, which would be kind of funny) but we thought if any of the other sessions did get very far, they’d have to deal with a bunch of the same crap as the kids without any of the inside info. So this spiraled into imagining some sort of SBURB help forum with a bunch of questions and bug reports where an increasingly harried mod keeps going ‘it’s this ONE SESSION out there fucking everyone else up, I’m sorry’
‘There’s an unidentified object at the heart of my battlefield. No one mentioned this.’ ‘It seems to be corruption from our parent session #612a2. The players are still active but are only in communication with a four person session based in the US, #413b1. I’ll let you know if they ever start answering my PMs, but for now, here’s a link to a thread with people discussing fixes that worked for them.’
‘One of my timeloops should’ve been stable but now the whole timeline is flagged as doomed. Our Time player has checked everything but there’s no reason for it. HELP!!!’ There’s a rogue Time hero/boss local to the 612/413 session cluster. Most of the time he doesn’t affect us, but sometimes timeloops get snagged on his localized alpha. Destroy any of the following artifacts in your session, especially the puppet, and try again.’
‘CANCER UPDATE: The 612 data corruption manifests in an extremely aggressive archagent and a rapid onset Reckoning. Do not engage Jack Noir, and do not under any circumstances let him acquire a regent’s ring. We recommend you deploy Prospit dreamers to acquire the White King’s scepter and keep it safe to delay the Reckoning.’
‘There are red squiggly things in the sky. Is that bad??’ ‘Unfortunately session 413′s archagent got the black queen’s ring and is in the process of tearing all instances of our universe to shreds. I’d recommend you pick up the pace, because we’re now on a deadline courtesy of those fuckers.’
‘My dreamself died and usually I just have to deal with the horrorterrors but last time I fell asleep I was somewhere else, and there were a bunch of other people there. Is this a special level I unlocked?’ ‘Somehow the 612/413 cluster…broke… death??? I don’t fucking know. Avoid any gray skinned people you see – they tend to be hostile. [Blurry photo of Vriska.] DEFINITELY avoid this one.’
And eventually it just devolves into everyone complaining about those losers from 413 who keep ruining it for everyone and you get posts like ‘Apparently every planet gets one first guardian but GUESS WHO got Earth’s and PROTOTYPED it????’ and ‘There’s a cheat that lets you godmod the whole game and we’ve been looking for it for weeks but FUCKING SESSION 413′s Breath hero fell ass backwards into it on accident those fuckers’
The mod dreams of one day finding these people to scream at them in person
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