anarchetypal:

a while back i thought about writing a gta verse sort of “files from the lspd” thing because for real can you imagine some of the notes the los santos police department has from bringing in members of the fake ah crew

like ryan:

• haywood spent the first ten minutes of his interrogation heavily criticizing the “poor upkeep” of an orchid on one of the detective’s desks
• spoke french, insisted on not knowing english; switched to russian after a french translator was brought in and insisted (in russian) on not knowing french or english
• made detective demarais cry twice three separate times
• bailed out by jack pattillo 

and ray:

• upon being brought in with haywood: both men spoke at length to one another in three four five? different languages; narvaez complied with translating for haywood, who insisted he didn’t know english again
• [addendum: upon review of interrogation tapes, it has been discovered that narvaez was translating heavily and intentionally incorrectly]
• fell asleep during interrogation on 2/17/12 8/03/13 10/23/13 4/29/14 6/12/14 somebody get this kid a fucking red bull
• bailed out by jack pattillo 

and michael:

• upon being brought in with gavin free: both men bickered with one another at length despite multiple attempts at questioning
• jones insisted on continuing to shout through the walls at free upon separation
• blew up his holding cell on 3/19/13 9/26/13 5/02/14 who the hell is searching this guy?
• bailed out by jack pattillo 

 and geoff just. like:

• asked for a beer
• somehow convinced detective demarais to bring him a beer
• [addendum: he’s really persuasive you guys okay i’m sorry]
• not bailed out by jack pattillo; inspection of phone transcripts indicate pattillo berated ramsey for “getting brought in on a fucking public indecency charge of all things,” and said he could “stay in there for a few days. yes, i can do that. i can. i just did. i just grounded you.”

and just the last page of that file has been revised so many times:

• conclusion: proceed with caution.
  
• conclusion: separate and subdue.
• conclusion: shoot on sight.