You know that trope where an adopted person finds out who their biological parent is, and the writer keeps using the term “REAL [parent]”? Yeah, it’s super gross, and I wish it would stop.
It devalues adopted parents, step parents, legal guardians, and parental figures, and puts all the emphasis on biology, which is a terrible message to give to non-biological parents, AND to their kids. It’s also a terrible message to give people who’s biological parents are terrible parents. It also often perpetuates the narrative that parents somehow own their children, when it’s used in scenarios where a parent gave up or lost custody of their child, and now wants custody back on no other basis than a biological “right” to the child.
The importance and value a parent has in a person (or character’s) life should be determined by the effect they have on their child, not genetics. A biological parent is not more “REAL” than any other type of parent, ESPECIALLY if they’ve been absent for much/most of the child/person’s life, and it’s genuinely awful to perpetuate the harmful narrative that they are.
it also makes those who gave kids up for adoption feel gross, for that perspective.
i had a kid when i was barely 18, living in my car. i gave her up for adoption because… barely 18, living in my car.
and every time someone finds out and comments that i’m her “real” mother, i feel so gross. i’m not her real mother??? her mother is her mother??? i’m a total stranger? i do not know this child, i’m not her “real” mother??
it’s horrible, and gross, and i hate it. i shouldn’t hold more weight than the people actually loving and caring for her, and damn do i wish that “real parent” bull would stop.
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