– George Washington naming his dogs shit like Sweet Lips
– Aaron Burr lighting himself on fire while trying to light a candle with a gun
– America ever winning in the revolution because we were a fucking mess
– Alexander Hamilton hiding behind Henry Knox at Yorktown when a shell burst near the tent
– Congress not finding John Adams a home in New York, forcing him to live with John Jay for like two months
– Lafayette not noticing he got shot in the leg
– John Adams taking the job of presiding over the senate seriously
– Abigail Motherfucking Adams
– Thomas Jefferson breaking his wrist trying to impress a girl
– The Hamilton family basically having three names that they rotated between kids
– Jefferson inviting Madison to come live with him at Monticello and Madison responding by basically saying he needed a year to think about it and never broaching the subject again
– Literally nobody knowing shit about Monroe
– Hamilton making a bet that he would buy dinner for a dozen delegates at the Constitutional Convention if Gouverneur Morris went up and clapped Washington on the back, which he did, and was subsequently given a glare that made him want to sink into the floor
– Washington actually cutting down two cherry trees
– Admiral de Grasse calling Washington “mon cher petit général”
– Aaron Burr trying to annex Texas and being tried for treason
– the Merry Affair
– Thomas Jefferson procrastinating in calling in Virginia militia, which forced him to flee Richmond when Benedict Arnold swept the capital
– “One hundred and eighty miles in three days and a half. It does admirable credit to the activity of a man at his time of life.” – Alexander Hamilton talking about Horatio Gates abandoning his army at Camden
– Baron Von Stueben showing up at Valley Forge with an Italian greyhound and his gaggle of little French boyfriends
– Baron Von Stueben cussing out the soldiers in French, leaving Hamilton and Laurens to translate
– Baron Von Steuben
– Jefferson being given a 1000 pound wheel of cheese, which no “federalist cows” were allowed to contribute to
– Jefferson having basically a burn book called “Anas”
i’m gonna add a few from the revolutionary period and the early-mid 19th century if thats ok
– dolly goddamn madison
– treaty of ghent drama
– fucking.battle.of.new.orleans.
– “VOTE FOR ANDREW JACKSON WHO AN FIGHT NOT JOHN QUINCY ADAMS WHO CAN WRITE” because you know who needs a literate president
– people calling andrew jackson “a jackass” and him being like “i dig it”. Thats why a donkey is the symbol of the democratic party. im serious look it up.
– “the people elect the executive branch leader so i, the president, know what the people want more than “”””congress”””” or the “””””court system”””” so i should have the most power” ~Andrew Jackson probably.
– andrew jackson ruining the economy and causing the panic of 1837 because he didn’t fucking know economics
– henry clay really trying
– Charles Sumner dragging the slave states in Crimes Against Kansas
– Charles Sumner getting beaten half to death because of Crimes Against Kansas
– Charles Sumner unbolting a desk from the ground to avoid getting killed
– Charles Sumner having no idea how to tie a fucking bowtie
– Charles Sumner
– “Sumner was a good head taller than Longfellow, who, as the shortest member of the Club, hated his own name and was sometimes teasingly called ‘Longo’ by his friends.”
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