Hey, cis people and CAFAB trans folks: a discussion on a friend’s Facebook wall has reminded me of something you usually seem not to realize even remotely about the lives of trans women.
People take pictures of us without permission ALL THE TIME. They do it on the train when we’re just commuting. They do it from sidewalks when they think we’re not looking. They do it in coffee shops where we’re trying to relax and get away from the stress of all the other crap people pull on us daily. And if we catch them at it, they don’t look away. They don’t pretend. They grin and leer at us, confident that there’s nothing we can do about it, because honestly? There usually isn’t. We spend most of our public time surrounded by people who think we’re just as hilarious and hideous as that douchebag pointing his iPhone at us does. That’s why he’s taking the picture.
Some of you know me. Some of you followed me like ten minutes ago. I am going to go wayyyy out on a limb, however, and say every single one of my followers cares about trans women, even if you’re still learning. Now imagine the humiliation of that moment for me. The knowledge that, just sitting quietly in plain clothes, and without consent, I am enough of an object of ridicule to be decorated with emoticons on a stranger’s instagram. And if I refuse to be ridiculed, if I walk up and slap that iPhone to the ground, I could get seriously hurt.
This microaggression happens a LOT for us, and especially for women who are larger than me, who have had less access to transitional care than me, who feel their best dressing less femme than me. And I’m not going to throw CAMAB non-binary people under the bus by failing to mention that they are also, even especially, constant targets of random public humiliation.
If you care about me, start looking for people doing this. And if you see it happening, say something. Do something. It’s like that suspicious package in the airport that the posters warn you about, except it actually exists. You have the ability to intervene without facing potentially life-threatening violence. We don’t. *I* don’t. Even if that smug piece of shit still walks away with his picture, we will have witnessed someone actually stand up for us. You may think that trans women starting to be marginally accepted in popular media means we’re doing great, but I have never, ever seen a cis person physically stand up for me, in that situation or any like it.
Have the guts to be different. We do.
This has happened to me so many times (especially in ‘touristy’ areas of Berkeley/SF, and esp. before HRT) and people who aren’t trans women don’t quite understand how degrading it is; I’ve had a lot of people act like somehow I should be grateful that people will just take pictures of me on the street or that it is some sort of compliment. Don’t be that person.
happens to me all the time
i wish someone would do something about it but nobody ever ever does
Just another WordPress site