roachpatrol:

prokopetz:

I’m actually kind of concerned that I won’t be able to resist the urge to troll my hypothetical future children by quoting asinine turn-of-the-millennium Internet memes all the time.

LIke, she’ll be acting up or something, and I’ll suddenly be seized by the irresistible impulse to solemnly intone: “Naughty children get put in the pear wiggler.”

Forget bad puns: the Dad Jokes of the future are going to be straight-up verbal surrealism.

joke’s on you, the next generation is going to grow up speaking surrealism right out of the starting gate and some day you will be fifty and tired and trying to order a hamburger and some gangly teenager is going to look you dead in the eye and say ‘so do you want a chair shoved up your ass or should i just go outside and scream at some birds’ and all you want is a fucking meal but no, too late, the cashier is already outside. screaming at the birds. that’ll be 5.99, please.