geoff ramsey: do it. he looks scary but he’s not. he is afraid of snakes so if you wear a shirt that has a snake on it he will lose his powers. however if you catch him drunk, run. but if he’s sober, do it. fight geoff ramsey but be careful
jack patillo: why would you ever fight jack. he is a perfect ray of sunshine. there is magic in his beard. he is large and made of love and probably like kittens or something. don’t do it. don’t fight jack
ryan haywood: DO!! NOT!! FIGHT!! RYAN!! HAYWOOD!! HE WILL TEAR YOU A NEW ASSHOLE AND LOOK ADORABLE WHILE DOING IT AND YOUR FAMILY WILL MISS YOU DO NOT FIGHT RYAN HAYWOOD
michael jones: fight michael. he’s a ball of rage and if you let him get close he’ll fuck your shit up but you can just put your hand on his forehead and hold him at arm’s length while he tries to run at you like a bull. lindsay will probably cheer for you. do it. fight michael
gavin free: just sorta punch him in the nose and he’ll probably squawk and fall over and start crying. but there will be no glory in fighting gavin free. only sadness. why would you do such a thing. you can fight gavin if you really want to but it will be an empty victory and you should probably rethink your life afterwards
burnie burns: don’t fight burnie. he’s 6’2 and he punched out a horse once. the laws of mortals do not apply to burnie burns and he will fire you even though he’s not CEO anymore. don’t do it. don’t fight burnie.
jon risinger: you can maybe fight jon but only if you’re okay with losing all your points. depending on what mood he’s in he may award you points for winning. fight jon risinger but only if you’re feeling lucky
gus sorola: he’ll probably run away and bitch about you on the next podcast. it would be hilarious to everyone else and you would have brought laughter to the lives of millions. do it. fight gus.
joel heyman: you cannot slay a god
lindsay jones: you could maybe fight lindsay but only by being sneaky and even then michael would snap your neck if you win. distract her with conveniently placed cat pictures and you could sucker punch her because let’s face it, you couldn’t take her one on one. maybe fight lindsay but only with prep time
ray narvaez jr: he’s already dead don’t hurt him more
chris demarais: do it. fight chris. it’ll be hilarious give him a wedgie and hang him off something by his underwear. take his lunch money. buy something cool with it. shove him in a locker. fight chris demarais
barbara dunkelman: she’s canadian she’ll just ascend into her moose form and headbutt ur ass to the nearest tim hortons. don’t fight barbara