aries: DO NOT FIGHT AN ARIES. they’ve been training for this moment their entire lives and will take you down in 0.002 seconds. don’t fight an aries. don’t do it. (chance of winning: 0%)
taurus: why would you fight a taurus. what did they ever do but love and support you. (chance of winning: 80% but at what cost)
gemini: this is a tricky one because if they win they’ll probably talk shit about you to everyone, but if you can distract them for long enough you can probably get a solid hit in. fight a gemini. (chance of winning: 65%)
cancer: an easy win, just look at them and they’ll run away, but watch out for their signature move of trying to drown you with their tears (chance of winning: 85%)
leo: leos are constantly surrounded by a posse that could probably fuck you up. if you fight a leo do it one-on-one. (chance of winning: 25%)
virgo: virgos seem like an easy target, but they’ve probably been plotting their every move to take you down from the first moment of tension. don’t fight a virgo. (chance of winning: 40%)
libra: it’s literally impossible to fight a libra. they’ll talk you out of it and be gone before you even realized what happened. (chance of winning: 0%, but this is also your chance of losing)
scorpio: scorpios will talk for ages about how they can annihilate you with the blink of an eye and then skin you alive, but really they have like one move. you can fight a scorpio. (chance of winning: 55%)
saggitarius: saggitarians don’t want to fight you, but they can and they will. don’t fight a saggitarius. (chance of winning: 15%)
capricorn: please fight a capricorn. you won’t win and they’ll probably ruin your life but it’ll be worth it. just punch a capricorn in the face. i’m begging you. (chance of winning: 30%)
aquarius: you’ll think you’re winning and then realize that you were dead all along and that this is all an illusion. don’t fight an aquarius. (chance of winning: 10%)
pisces: a pisces won’t even realize you’re fighting them. you can most definitely fight a pisces but it won’t be much fun. (chance of winning: 95%)
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