thedatingfeminist:

Signs that a relationship may be abusive

• a big age difference, ESPECIALLY if one person is under 18 and the other is an adult (power imbalance)
• one person is an authority figure (boss, teacher, coach, youth group leader, professor, etc.)
• Your partner does things that you’re afraid to tell your friends or family about because they “wouldn’t understand” that your partner’s “really/usually not that bad”.
• Things are great except when they’re absolutely terrible, and you have to really focus on how great it is when they’re sweet, because in the meantime they’re hurting or scaring you and making you feel like crap.
• Doesn’t respect it when you say “no” and tries to argue or force you to do or accept things you don’t want to do or accept. (even trivial things count)
• Your partner goes through your phone, email, purse, or belongings without permission
• Constantly putting you down or criticising you for everything
• Deliberately embarrasses you in front of your family or friends
• Extreme jealousy, possessiveness or insecurity
• Explosive temper
• Isolating you from family or friends
• They act like literally everything that goes wrong in your relationship is your fault, even the bad things they do
• Making false accusations, especially about lying or cheating on them
• Mood swings/big changes in how they treat you
• Pressuring or forcing you to have sex (if you don’t actually want to have sex but feel like you have to, that is RAPE.)
• Blames you for the times they hurt you (I couldn’t help it, you shouldn’t have done x, it’s your fault)
• Acts really sweet after a big fight and promises it will never happen again, but it does
• Tries to control things that should be your choice, like what to eat or wear, who to hang out with or where to go
• When you call them on bad behaviour or ask them not to do something, they get really angry and it turns into a big fight
• They tell you that no one else could love you like they do or that you’d never find another relationship
• Breaks things that belong to you, hurts animals, or punches the wall when angry
• Hurts you when angry – grabbing you so hard it hurts, shoving, hitting, biting, slapping, kicking, punching, or slamming you against the wall.
• Touching you sexually when you’re asleep, drunk, or passed out (this is sexual assault or rape, because you weren’t conscious enough to give consent)
• Threatens to commit suicide, hurt themselves, or hurt someone else if you leave them
• Makes vague or specific threats about doing something bad to you
• Makes you feel worthless or like you don’t deserve to be loved
• Tampers with contraception/birth control
• Brings up your mental health every time there’s a disagreement
• Brings up hurtful things others have done to you during fights, as a way of saying that you are the reason other people hurt you
• Humiliates you or belittles you for being bad at sex or being a bad romantic partner

More info on abuse can be found here:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/116782-abusive-relationship-checklist/
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/is-this-abuse
http://www.angriesout.com/controller-abuse.htm
http://realsocialskills.org/post/56246599392/i-would-never-abuse-anyone
http://realsocialskills.org/post/66194884001/when-your-right-to-say-no-is-entirely-hypothetical
http://theuniwarriorproject.tumblr.com/post/73974083632/good-love-vs-bad-love

Other signs of a bad relationship:

• doesn’t seem to care whether or not you’re interested in their advances; they do what they want with you without checking to see if you’re interested
• often refocuses the conversation to sex or your appearance, instead of engaging with you on nonsexual topics. (objectification)
• Talks over you, ignores you, or acts dismissive of what you’re saying (lack of respect)
• is in a relationship with someone else, and the other person isn’t aware of their relationship with you
• Uses slurs, especially although not exclusively ones that are meant to describe YOUR race, gender, orientation, etc. (even jokingly)
• If you’re meeting someone you met online, them not being comfortable with meeting in a public place with someone else knowing about it
• Says you’re cute when you’re mad (ignoring your feelings and not listening to you)
• gives you the silent treatment when they’re mad at you (different from needing space because they don’t talk to you about it, just start ignoring you and if you bring it up they might say they’re NOT ignoring you)
• Is interested in you because of your race (check out FuckNoFetishization) or because you’re trans, fat, etc., instead of seeing those factors as just part of who you are and being attracted to you for a variety of reasons (fetishization, objectification)
• Says you’re “rambling” when you talk about something important to you
• Laughs at you when you’re hurt, sad, or afraid
• Doesn’t share your core beliefs about what’s most important to you in life
• You don’t really have much to talk about except sex or how much you like each other
• Doesn’t respect your gender identity or sexuality (says you’re “not really” what you say your identity is or laughs at you for it)
• Doesn’t want to meet other important people in your life or doesn’t want you to meet important people in their life
• Doesn’t take your needs or desires into consideration when making decisions that affect you
• Doesn’t abide by agreements that both of you made, like specific plans or agreements about monogamy
• Sex-shames you, or anyone else
• Tries to pressure you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with after you’ve said no (not just sexual stuff)
• Is rude to service staff, children, or other people who can’t really do anything about it
• is rude to strangers
• Doesn’t seem to have time for the kind of relationship you’d like to have with them
• Tries to make things serious too fast, too soon for your comfort zone
• doesn’t think you’re awesome
• guilt trips you a lot

http://theuniwarriorproject.tumblr.com/post/73974083632/good-love-vs-bad-love