twofingerswhiskey:

voidbat:

carsonphillips:

when my mom took care of babies my favorite story is about this toddler named eli who took a while to talk and everyone was concerned about it but one day my dad was like “eli, can you say ‘car’?” and he looks at my dad and goes “yes, i can. why do you ask?” 

my ex boyfriend’s first word was “mother” – followed by “i’d like another bottle of milk please.” – kids who don’t talk until they can bust out a whole sentence are the fucking greatest.

my brother personally went, “bloody hell” and then after my mother asked him what he just said, he went “you heard me”