you guys see this? this is my favorite gift that ive ever given my mom. youre probably thinking “oh because its cute and heart shaped” guess again i got a story sit down
i made this thing in wood shop when i was in like 7th grade. you know how serious middle school wood shop is. memorizing the names of a hundred different tools from a study guide and then only using 3 of them because little johnny lost a finger in 1983 and the school board threw a fit. fuck you little johnny. but i digress
i made this thing for mothers day and i was all kinds of proud of it. i mean look at this shit its adorable. but i guess the incident with little johnny must have involved stickiness of some kind because it was absolutely unfathomable for my teacher to allow me to take this thing home before it was dry as the mojave. which wouldnt be a problem except for the fact that mothers day was on sunday and by friday he still wouldnt let me have the thing
that shit wasnt gonna fly. i made this thing for mothers day, not day after mothers day and my mom was going to get her damn present okay
so saturday night, 12 year old me makes a plan. you could have filmed this shit, slapped a jazz tune on the beginning and marketed it as the next james bond: i parked my bike by the back doors of the building, snuck in during a soccer game so that nobody would notice me, avoided every security camera along the way, got the door to the classroom open and with the flimsy light of my flip phone i tracked this thing down and made my great escape
of course i didnt tell my mom what i did until years later when i was safe from being grounded for it, but the reason i still love this damn thing and we keep it around is because of how frickin proud and impressed she was
apparently this sort of thing runs in the family
boy cant wait till i have my own kids one day