Why did nobody in Fullmetal Alchemist carry around some fucking backup transmutation circles. Like Riza is there with a box full of fresh gloves for Roy when he gets soaked but you’d think after the first time he got rendered useless in a fight by some dude with a water bottle he’d start carrying around a spare set in a waxed bag or something but NOOOOO. And Ed’s even fucking worse like his arm gets destroyed how many times???? AND HE ACTS SURPRISED EVERY TIME. OH NO MY ARM. NOW I CAN’T ALCHEMY. Shit, boy, draw some transmutation circles ahead of time and keep em in your coat, this isn’t hard. “Oh no, you’ve destroyed my arm again, whatever shall I SIKE” Ed says, before throwing a rock with ‘explode’ written on it at his attacker and making good his escape. Everyone’s always carving shit into their skin or drawing it in their own blood, HOW BOUT INSTEAD YOU CARRY A PIECE OF FUCKING CHALK. Alchemists are useless
Alphonse wrote this post
Ed: Yeah I used to be missing the arm too but I got it back haha. Ed’s kids: Sure thing, dad.
ED’S KIDS DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE
“Dad how do you know so many important people in the military?” “I used to work under Fuhrer Mustang, i still owe him money actually” “yeah right”
“dAD HOW COME THE EMPEROR OF XING JUST CAME IN THROUGH OUR WINDOW?!” “BECAUSE I MADE HIM EAT MY BOOT AND IT CEMENTED OUR FRIENDSHIP” “WHEN WILL THE LIES STOP DAD”
#‘your uncle used to be a suit of armor’ ‘Dad stop’#‘grandpa was immortal’ ‘do you think we’re dumb??’#‘Mustang punched me once’ ‘yeah right like the fuhrer would punch someone’ ‘he’s actually a dick’ ‘uh-huh’#‘Scar almost killed me a few times’ ‘Dad stop lying he’s like one of the leaders of peace between Ishval and Amestris’#‘He came really close too’ ‘Dad.’
I still can’t facking get over how good FMA really is like that was what you call good fucking writing and what was best about Ed as a character was that his character development wasn’t about him losing his personality and becoming more nice and good and yada yada, his character development was about learning to respect and rely on the people around him. At the end of the day he was still Ed, but a more empathetic Ed… This is what you call good writing
Yeah he really overcame his shortcomings
Why hurt him like this
Fullmetal Alchemist AU where everything’s the same except Ed makes up stupid stories as to why he lost his arm and leg and they’re different every time someone asks.
ex: “I got attacked by a shark”
“I stubbed my toe and decided I didn’t want it anymore”
“I went through a steampunk phase”
“Sheep are vicious when they’re hungry”
“Squirrels”“y-you have an automail arm and leg… you–you must have committed the ult-”
“did you know horses are omnivorous? you’d think they just eat grass and weeds but that’s what they want you to think”
I like to think that at some point Ed got bored and decides to become a professor at some big name Amestrian college.
His specialty is a military funded class called Battle Alchemy, which he starts off by inviting any of his students to beat him in hand to hand for a conditionless passing grade (by the end of the first class, most students walk away sore and horrified).
It takes half the semester before they realize that Ed continues to beat them even when they use alchemy and he does not. They ask to see him use alchemy in battle. The next day, a man who looks almost the same as their professor shows up to class- he’s softspoken and polite, and the students expect a substitute lecture. Ed sits in the stands and laughs as Al proceeds to fight the entire class at once, and beat all of them. The students never ask again.
(And sometimes, in the middle of practicals, students swear they can see the Fuhrer watching from the edge of the field.)
I can also see him causing a hell of a problem when it comes to conventional textbooks-
“This is definitely wrong.”
“Sir, this is the most recently updated textbook for theoretical alchemy-”
“Yea fuck that, I can prove that soul alchemy isn’t unviable- someone hand me some chalk, I’m about to commit a mathematical felony.”
