I have a headcanon that Hermione insists her children attend some primary muggle schooling before Hogwarts, just as she had done. Now, imagine Arthur Weasley attending his grandchild’s science fair, being the ultra proud grandfather….and yet also completely geeking out over absolutely EVERYTHING.
Canon
“That is a volcano, that is a VERY SMALL VOLCANO, how – young lady, how did you make this? Baking soda and food coloring? MARVELOUS!”
i will never forget the Harley Quinn cosplayer that sat behind me during an O.W.Ls exam at a con and singlehandedly wiped the floor of everyone else with her HP trivia knowledge giving Slytherin house a ton of points. at the very end of the panel she leaned forward to me and silently whispered “i work as a guide at Harry Potter World at Universal” with the most evil grin on her face. what a Slytherin thing to do. well played, Harley Quinn of my dreams. well played.
it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters
basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact
(the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesn’t really matter)
harry decides upon 3 goals:
fuck up as much shit as possible
make a shitload of money
save some lives or whatever
it is
H I L A R I O U S
his go-to explanation for how he knows what’s going to happen?
he has a psychic scar
(hermione is SO PISSED about this)
(neville’s like “either he’s psychic, or he’s the greatest conman alive”)
everyone just sort of assumes harry’s insane and he doesn’t do much to dispute this
harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year
“snape is my sole ally”
he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so they’re part of the gang throughout and it’s great
even draco is a friend!
(kind of)
(when harry’s not spreading a rumor that draco’s the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)
harry’s motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, “oh, this will be hilarious”
either that or, “it’s probably a tax deductible”
because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn
(so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)
it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that he’s not the heir of slytherin…. because if he was, he’d have found a way to make money off of it
and everyone’s like “yeah ok that checks out”
in this timeline, neville’s boggart isn’t snape…. it’s harry as the minister of magic
harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard
harry: by the way, that reminds me – cedric. graveyard.
cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.
the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring
he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, friggin’ voldemort
everyone is like “what… what the fuck, harry”
(though by the end of first year it’s more like “… *deep sigh* … fine.
snape is so angry
it’s fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off
Okay, but give me a Hermione Granger who cannot cook for the life of her. She’s done research, she’s taken classes, she’s tried everything and goddamit why can’t she make this work?!
Give me a Ron Weasley who watched his mother cook for years and somehow inherited her uncanny ability to just throw things in a pot and make it taste amazing. Give me a Ron Weasley who tries to teach his wife to cook because she asks him to and rubs her shoulders and fixes the light fixtures when she fails again. Give me a Ron Weasley who wears a “Kiss the cook” apron and makes all the meals for the family. Give me a Ron Weasley who fondly tells Hermione “for Merlin’s sake, you’re the bloody minister of magic, babe, you don’t have to be good at everything.” Give me a Ron Weasley who adores his wife and loves working part-time at the shop with Fred and George (there was a rumour going around that Fred died- this is poppycock. Please ignore it) and decides he loves being a househusband and defying gender roles but in a quieter way than his hurricane of a wife, who’s amazing and in-your-face and gods, he loves her. Give me a Ron who decides that he’s not so fond of the fame and glory that he gained in the war as he thought he would be, and who finally understands why Harry hated it so much in school. Give me a Ronald Weasley who learns to do laundry and mend clothes and keep house and makes lunch for his kids before they go off to muggle primary school and his wife before she goes to work and decides that being his family’s number one favourite person is more than enough. Give me a Ron who has a secret fondness for daytime soap operas when everyone’s out of the house and he’s not at the shop. Give me a Ron who is happy and healthy and realises that he’s so much more than just the sixth child or the leftover, that he’s loved, that he’s enough.
I think the most beautiful part of this is that Ron spent so much of his life being embarrassed by his mum, and finally realizing she’s been the true role model all along.
harry could be anglicised form of hari, which is another name for the indian god vishnu who reincarnates on earth to restore justice
potter could be anglicised potdar or potluri
the night he died, james was making pretty-colored lights for harry 31 october 1981 was deepavali, the indian festival of lights
fleamont potter making money through potions after coming from india as a first gen. immigrant
fleamont potter made hair potions which was really just charmed coconut oil
people would notice harry’s green eyes all the time if he was half desi
when harry has visions through voldemorts eyes that he always distances himself using voldemort’s whiteness or how pale the hand was or something to that effect
unlikely couple james and lily potter prophesied to have a world-saving baby is literally the motif of the indian epic kumarasambhava
harry flying on buckbeak is god vishnu on garuda iconography
It just occurred to me, as I’m going through the Harry Potter books again, that whenever Harry has visions through Voldemorts eyes that he always, every single time, distinguishes between himself and Voldemort with the mention of “a white hand held a wand which was not his own”, or something to the effect of describing Voldemorts whiteness. While I’ve always taken this as a comment on how Voldemort is inhumanly, disgustingly pale, It occurred to me that a dark-skinned Harry Potter WOULD notice the stark, shocking difference in hands every single time without fail.
Fucking here for it
I’m just imagining someone asking Harry about his dreams and being like “are you sure it just wasn’t a dream and it was you?” And Harry’s like “Yeah I’m pretty fuckin sure, I’m not white”
