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May 31, 2018

creatrixanimi:

someone: agent washington, the reds and blues are missing we think they might be dead

wash, sitting by the pool, reading a harlequin, sipping a mint julep, getting his toes done: show me bodies.

someone: um excuse me sir?

wash: no body, no proof. now move you’re blocking my sun.

carolina, emerging from the pool like a shark: and bring us more guacamole.

#Someone else: Here it’s their armor. We have still yet to locate the bodies but their armor is empty and covered in blood.#Wash: Oh dear god they’re naked and coming for us.
(because it didn’t feel complete without @colonelsargestillincharge‘s contribution)

May 28, 2018December 4, 2018

May 5, 2018

canon facts from the rvb fanguide

super-ultra-nova:

-back when grif was a sergeant still he promoted simmons and called him a hero for deactivating the firewall so he could look at porn on the bases only computer

-after a debriefing with a unsc officer and she left the room tucker saw there was a computer there and also immediately went to go watch porn. there are more porn mentions in this book than i am comfortable with

-donut was def planning on flirting his way to the top with sarge in the hopes of getting a promotion. this is very explicitly mentioned.

-o’malley has terrible handwriting and he kept a journal where he wrote down his evil plans with doc. when he wrote that he was going to start selling cookies door-to-door and pocket the cash instead of donating it he just drew a frowny face. just “:(” . he was so sad

-right before the reds and blues arrived kimball gave a speech and then served all the rebels ice cream. bitters deduced that palomo had probably never actually had ice cream since when he got brain freeze he just started screaming on the floor. kimball actually laughed

-church met/remembered meeting tex first when some asshole was beating him up cause he made a snide remark and she fucking decked him in the face and he was sitting there on the floor bleeding looking at this woman who just knocked some other guy out like “oh fuck i want this woman to be my wife”

-before blood gulch grif lived on a doomed colony in which all the other people but him were wiped out and it’s played up as a joke because everyone just thought he was dead but he was just sleeping and so he was the only survivor but fuck man thats like a double tragic backstory

-during his time at blood gulch simmons had written a text adventure game with little to no actual interactivity in which you press enter to progress to the next event.

-where did you think he got the idea.

-where did you think private Richard Simmons, a known nerd, got the idea for a humorous story modelled to resemble a text-based adventure game. where did you think he got the idea. where do you think he got the idea.