“It’s canon that Taako stans Vriska” is a funny way to say that it’s one hundred percent canon that Taako will say anything five seconds long for $100 of a total sucker’s money
unarguably the funniest moment in the entire podcast so far
summary (because this audio isn’t edited and has irrelevant filler)
-Taako purchases The Slicer of Tapeer-WheerIsles: “A stone which, on a successful Persuasion check, can be traded to anyone for the most valuable thing they have in their possession” for 900 gold.
-He also purchases a book that increases his persuasion skill, and uses it.
-Taako convinces Garfield the Deals Warlock to give him the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword Of Doom (an extremely overpowered weapon worth 60,000 gold that Griffin placed in the game as a joke.) for The Slicer of Tapeer-Wheer Isles.
-The trade succeeds, and Taako (a wizard who has no use for a weapon like this) immediately straps it to his back, revealing that he purchased it as a fashion accessory.
You don’t need to know DnD or even this podcast to understand how great this is. Because you can hear the moment that Griffin realizes the shit his brother is about to pull, and simultaneously that he can not only do nothing to stop it, but that he gave him the tools to pull it off so *perfectly*
BUREAU OF BALANCE — HUMAN RESOURCES: COMPLAINT FORM
COMPLAINANT: Taako, You Know, From TV
PERSON(S) INVOLVED IN COMPLAINT: Fucking Magnus Fucking Burnsides and Merle Fucking Hitower Highchurch
SUBJECT OF COMPLAINT: Wash even one goddamn thing you absolute animals. I swear to Pan, the dishes have developed their own distinct biome. I stepped on a pile of clothes yesterday and they squished.
DAMAGES CAUSED: A pair of perfectly good socks, 3d10 psychic damage, countless items I have foolishly put down assuming they wouldn’t be ABSORBED by the ORGANIC MATTER covering every surface of the common room!!!!!
ACTIONS TAKEN: I don’t think this is strictly an HR matter, Taako. Last week you filed a report because Merle ate your chips. Yesterday was because Magnus didn’t take out the trash. Please stop filing these, and maybe try speaking to them. –Brad
BUREAU OF BALANCE — HUMAN RESOURCES: COMPLAINT FORM
COMPLAINANT: Taako, You Know, From TV
PERSON(S) INVOLVED IN COMPLAINT: Brad Bradson, useless employee
lup had the beginning of a crush on barry from the moment they began training for the mission together but barry only figured he would have a chance if he was the last man on earth.
Upon reading the wiki page for the Grand Relics and remembering what exactly it was that the animus bell did I’m now wondering what the talk was like for when the IPRE decided what their relics would DO
The dwarf with the long, tangled grey beard and weather worn face wants to control plants. He isn’t exactly intimidating, but you get the sense he’s seen some shit, and would know to control it well.
The gnome, small but emanating authority and trust, wishes to make items real. To bring food to the starving and homes to the homeless, it is a noble pursuit.
The third man at the table is plain. He is middle aged and human, chubby and wearing jeans. ‘What if you could just like. Take someones soul and like. Steal it. Would that be fucked up or what?’ he asks.
‘BAROLD WHAT THE ABSOLUTE SHIT?!’ They yell in unison
