atleastthisusernamewasnttaken:
atleastthisusernamewasnttaken:
on the ipre’s plane, macarons and macaroons are switched
hear me out—
angus is confused when taako begins teaching him how to make “macaroons” because he thought that macaroons had coconut in them. taako rolls his eyes and explains that no, angus is thinking of macarons, a type of biscuit. angus doesn’t question it, because taako is the chef and taako knows best.
but he starts talking with the other bureau members and yes, all of them agree that macaroons are the coconut biscuits, and macarons are the cookie. when he confronts taako again he is told that every bureau member is wrong.
it becomes a conspiracy, akin to the mandela effect. most people on the moon base agree with angus, but taako insists that they don’t know what they’re talking about, and magnus, merle, and oddly enough, the director, all take his side.
one day angus pulls taako into some bakery and points at the labels on the cookies, looking smug. but taako doesn’t budge, saying simply that not every baker is well educated. taako then produces an old cook book published decades prior, that he’s had since he was a child. and sure enough, there is a recipe for “macaroons” that details the process of baking the merengue cookies, complete with illustrations.
angus’s wall is covered with pushpins and string connecting pictures of pastries, dictionary definitions, lists of cook book authors, and taako’s face with a bunch of question marks drawn over it.
Your name is TAAKO. You are a MASTER CHEF and an EVEN BETTER PERFORMER, if your subscriber count has anything to say about it. You run a FANTASY YOUTUBE CHANNEL called SIZZLE IT UP! WITH TAAKO, which is basically the hottest show on the web right now. The MASSES love to watch you work, and while you don’t love to work, you sure do love the attention it gets you. You’re a STAR, baby, and you’re going STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.
You have a variety of other interests, too, because you’re a MULTIDIMENSIONAL, FULLY-REALIZED CREATION. You love to FISH almost as much as you love TALKING SHIT, and you have a bad habit of STEALING ANYTHING YOUR GAY LITTLE HANDS CAN CARRY. You also have a fondness for WIZARDS.
God DAMN do you love WIZARDS.
Sometimes you feel like you’re missing something, though you can’t imagine what. You’ve got FAME. You’re on your way to FORTUNE. What else does a guy need? You might describe this feeling as a SISTER-SIZED HOLE in your heart, but you don’t have a sister, so that’s dumb. You’re dumb for thinking that.
You don’t have any family to speak of, but you do have TWO ASSHOLES some might call your friends. Today, you’re going to play a game with them! Surely this will go extremely well, and nothing bad will happen to you at all.
What will you do?
Justin: Okay, so, I just want to educate real quick everybody about tardigrades, okay? They can survive a few minutes at 304 degrees Fahrenheit. They can survive 30 years at negative 20 degrees Celsius. They can survive a few minutes at negative one thousand degrees Kelvin. They can survive a few days at negative 328 degrees Fahrenheit. They can go without water for 10 years! These are savage beasts, and I’m going to haunt them with the only thing that can stop them: their own fears. What does a tardigrade fear? I can’t fathom it. Because it’s unkillable. It is unfathomable what I’m about to conjure, but it is a Phantasmal Killer. I want to tap into its nightmares, and create- of the one that fuckin’ attacked me, natch- and I will create an illusory manifestation of its deepest fears, visible only to that creature. It must make a Wisdom saving throw, which, if tardigrades are Wisdom-rich, you can go fuck yourself.
Justin (as Taako): Uh, listen. I know you’re really worried about your friend right now. And I know you don’t know us really well, but let me promise you this.
Justin (to the DM): Are we out of the Zone of Truth?
Griffin (DM): Yeah. Yeah, you’re far away from it.
Justin (as Taako): Everything’s gonna be fine.
I’ve been working on this for months and the truth is I could continue to add to it forever but I want you all to enjoy it with me
Taako: hey babe what do you want for candlenights this year?
Kravitz: *takes Taako’s hand in his, stares deeply into his eyes*
Kravitz: your last name.
Taako: wh… like… oh
Taako: are… are you sure? because my last name is also Taako. but spelled different.
Kravitz: *forcing himself not to recoil* yyeeeahhhhhhh… that’s…. fine….